Murdered By My Love, Over And Over Again

This book was inspired by one of my dreams. I will acknowledge that it's similar to 'Before I Fall' but I wanted to write about this dream because honestly I thought it was a really good story idea. So please don't say that I stole anything from that movie/book because I didn't.
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Main Character: Cassidy

Love/murder: Ki

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I lie down on my floor and cry. I had relived this day 1,728 times. I'm so sick of this, it hurts, so so so much. I love him. I really really really love him. It hurts and I can't handle it anymore.

I grab the small blade that sits under my dresser. My arms look like tiger stripes. One cut on my left arm for every time he killed me and one cut on my right arm for every time I killed myself. I new I could not escape, he always kills me, even when I kill myself, it's him that brings my death, and the worst part is, he doesn't remember the days I kill myself. But I do I remember every time I've relived February 3rd, 2020. The day before my 16th birthday. Of course, I'm destined to be 15 forever.

Tears are still streaming down my face as I make a deep slit in both of my wrists. This isn't him killing me or me killing me. This is my not giving a shit any more. I love the pain, it makes me feel high. The blood is my favorite part. The color, the taste, the texture, I love it all.

Somehow, even though the days always reset, everything I do to myself stays. Ever time I've cut my wrist in this hell, it stays. No one remembers the days have been repeating. Only myself and Ki. Only Cassidy Gardener and Ki Jefferson fucking remember that we've repeated this day over a thousand god damn times!

Suddenly I hear Ki running up the stairs. He's going to kill me again and I don't care anymore. I stay curled up in the corner, silently dying inside while crying, blood soaked my shirt but I didn't care, the days would just reset and my shirt would be good as new. My door busts open, I hear it loudly smack against the wall. He's here. I know he sees me, and I know he's here to kill me again. He's been doing this from the first day.

The first day was the absolute worst. I remember it so clearly. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was sticking up in random places, and he looked so angry. He pulled out a gun and I started yelling at him to put it away, but he didn't. He came closer to me and pushed me against the wall before passionately kissing me. During the kiss I felt him press the gun to my forehead, I don't open my eyes. Tears were steaming down my face. How could he? I love him. Then he pulled the trigger. That's when I woke up again for the first time. I thought it was a dream, but it wasn't. It happened again and again and again no matter how far away I went, he would find me, no matter how hard I tried to hide he'd find me, no matter if I ran and ran and ran he'd catch me. I couldn't escape, the only way to stop him was for me to do his job for him.

He's snapped my neck, shot me, stabbed me, drowned me, suffocated me, hung me, poisoned me, electrocuted me, smashed my scull in, and he's done everything you could possibly think of to kill me. Dying isn't what hurts, it's the fact that he's the one causing me to die. I'm in love with my murder and I can't change my feeing for him.

He stands in the doorway for a few more moments before stalking towards me. I'm facing away from him, he cannot see the mess on my wrists. I refuce to look at him and I continue crying in the corner. I feel him standing over me and that's when I say

"You know, you don't remember the days I kill myself, but I do. I remember every mother fucking day we spend in this mother fucking day. Do you know how many times you've killed me? Or better yet home many times I've killed myself? I can tell you right fucking now how we've been in this hell. Do you wanna know? Or are you just going to kill me again?"

He didn't respond. He didn't do anything, just stood there, and after a few seconds I finally chocked up the words "Go ahead! Kill me! I don't care anymore!"

Again he don't respond to my words, he didn't acknowledge what I said. I began sobbing I couldn't take it anymore "Ki I love you. There I said it. You've killed me 1,666 times and I still love you. There isn't anything you can do to change that. I love you so much and that's what hurts, dying doesn't hurt anymore."

He grabs me by the waist and pulls me into him. I expect him to snap my neck but instead he pulls me into a hug.

"Cassidy. I love you so much more than you think I do, but I can't stop. There's nothing I can do to stop it. I love you and it hurts for me to watch you go through this everyday, but I don't have a choice."

I refuse to look him in the eye, I haven't done that since the first day. Then I say,

"My love for you is bulletproof but you're the one who shot me."

It's our song, we always listened to it. It's the song I was listening to when we met. Another tear runs down my cheek as I think about how ironic it is. He pulls me further into his chest before pulling me over to my bed and lying down with me in his arms.

"Just let me hold you. Please. Just for a little while. Everything will be how it was when you wake up. We can't end this yet. I have to kill you."

I nod my head slowly and just soak in the feeling of being held by my love. His strong arms make me feel safe. My cheeks are tear stained and my wrists (even though it has slowed down) are still bleeding, but I didn't care. I loved this feeling. Then for the first time since my hell has started, darkness peacefully took over.