Late (p.w)

twenty nine - late

dear whitnee,

do you know what it's like to walk around and feel as if you're diseased? every step you take you feel your rotten organs slush together, not even knowing how or why they're still working, your heart and brain especially? do you know how it feels to know that your sickness can spread to those you love the most? that you're slowly dragging them down into decaying with you in a small cramped coffin?

i'm late on doing this. i'm way passed my due date, my last meal was supposed to just be a type of sandwich i liked to eat, but my last meal ended up being more memorable to me as our first interaction.

i always thought the universe brought you to me for a reason, i thought the universe was trying to stop me from going through with my desired fate. the gods gave me an angel on this earth so i wouldn't have to go seeking for one myself in the heavens. if that's even where my corrupt self is going to end up.

i was correct on the fact that we've met for reason, but terribly wrong on what that specific reason is.

falling in love with you couldn't have been more easier than me blinking, or inhaling and exhaling. i remember times where i've thought i became ill, when really it was just butterflies by the dozen, colliding amongst themselves and on the inside walls of my stomach because of you. i would forever be grateful towards you for turning on my emotions again, whether positive or negative, and for making me feel anything but numb, a feeling i've had for a while.

i've never noticed just how dirty my hands were till i've seen how spotless yours are. you taught me the toughest lesson about how worthless and damaged i truly am, without that i'd be killing on the streets, fulfilling my niche on being evil.

i'd be mad if i went through with killing myself that day i met you. my dumb ass didn't even know why i deserved to die besides the fact of me not feeling anything, nor having a point to spend anymore time here.

unlike myself, you deserve a long prosperous life. i'd want you to get an higher education, which i think would be possible with your dad now involved in the picture. i want you to surround yourself around good people and fall in love with someone who has more to offer you than money, murdering, drug dealing, robbing, and alcoholism or anything than i ever had to give, which is nothing.

if there is an other side and i see you too soon i'll be pissed, hell i'd probably try to throw you back down to earth myself.

whitnee i love you, and i also want you to never be bothered about the fact you've never said it back. the thing about you is your narrow eyes, rich in dark pigmentation could tell way more than your tiny doll-like lips ever could, and i know you love me too.

i bet it's going to be lonely as fuck over here, but knowing you're safe and rid of my toxins is worth a long time of  solitary.

be amazing, without me.

~harry