The Neverending Kiss

Nightmare

It was dark and the street was unlit. It was warm, even though the trees swung with the breeze. I looked down and blanched. It was her, laying on the ground. I glanced around quickly and saw more things I didn't want to see...

I woke up with cold sweat. I moved my blanket and looked at my hands. I felt disgusted. The one dream had only been going on for a few days but it was terrifying. Showing me the worst thing I could imagine. I groaned and looked at my arms. The pale scars, remnants of my past, of things that hurt. I glanced around my room and spied a pencil sharpner sitting on my desk. I rushed out of my bed quickly and grabbed it. It took work but I managed to take the blade out. I slowly walked into the bathroom and sat down on the floor and looked at my arm. I slowly lowered the blade but I stopped. I remembered a promise I made, the day before. "I won't cut, I promise." The words rang in my head and I slowly walked over into my room again and opened my window. I took one last glance down and threw the blade, deep into the darkness. Misery washed over me as soon as it left my hand.. I felt alone and I was scared. I was deprived of my thoughts as my phone buzzed next to my bed. I slowly walked over wondering who would actually text me, but it was Rachel, replying to an earlier text. It was only two words but it made me feel better "It's ok" I slowly typed out words that felt heavy in my heart.

"I don't want to lose you because you think dating me is a problem." As soon as the message sent, tears started their own race down my cheeks. I slowly curled onto my bed and looked at my phone. After a few minutes it buzzed and I got the answer, "That will never happen :)" I smiled to myself but my thoughts were not smiling with my body I thought things, things that scared me.

"How can she say that?"

" Is it a lie?"

"I'm just a problem"

The drama at my school because of me being with Rachel was truly getting to me. I honestly wondered what she saw in me.. The tears came around and it looked at the clock, it read 5:15. I curled fetal and felt the tears rushing like a stream. I seemed to lose a sense of time. Thoughts blew threw my head. Memories intruded, and I cried more. When I finally looked at the clock again it read something I didn't expect... 7:25. 2 hours of crying, 2 hours of pain. I looked at my phone and saw nothing, no text, no call. Nothing. Not something I could find comfort in.

Not when one question ran through my mind,

"Why does she like me and how do I deserve her?"