Secretly - kth&jjk

아홉

Trigger warning.
contains; thoughts about suicide

Taehyung told Jungkook he didn't feel well and that he wanted to stay home. Jungkook, being the overprotective best friend, wanted to stay as well.

"You don't have to kookie" Taehyung said, still half asleep. "If you feel bad, I need to make you feel good! That's what I'm here for. Best friends are supposed to look out for each other." Jungkook said.

"Fine, but don't think I'm going to ask you for a lot of things! I don't want you to feel tired." Tae said. "Great. Now what do you need? I know you just said you won't ask for a lot of things, but is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Jungkook asked and Taehung nodded. "Cuddles" Taehyung said. Jungkook laughed at the boys command, "Aish, you and your cuddling" Jungkook said as he held the boy. "Your boyfriend is going to be one warm guy" Jungkook jokingly said. "Only kookie gets taetae's cuddles right now" Taehyung said which made Jungkook let out an "aw."

"I really love it when you speak in third person, it's so cute." Jungkook said to Taehyung which made him giggle.

In the inside it was totally different. Why is he doing this to me? Taehyung thought.

“Wait Ta-what the fuck!” Jungkook said as he sat up. Taehyung sat up too, scared. “W-what is it?” Taehyung asked. “Who the fuck gave you more hickeys?” Jungkook yelled. “I told you no one gets to touch you.” Jungkook said. With that Taehyung stood up from the bed and so did Jungkook.

“What if I want to get touched by someone who isn't you huh? What if I want to hold hands with someone and it won't hurt me? Because everytime we touch I feel like crying. Every time we cuddle, everytime we hold hands, every single touch kills me. Why do you keep torturing me like this? I do remember what happened when I was drunk. I'm so mad I did that even if my drunk self still knew I loved you. When can you stop hurting me? When will it stop? I still hugged you, I still cuddled with you because I knew these days would be the last days I can. It hurts like hell, but once you get through the rough pain and try to forget about it, you feel amazing. I've been trying to find my old love for your touch but I can't! All I feel is pain” Taehyung cried out.

Taehyung was in the corner of his room, hugging his knees as he cried. “I didn't want to go to school today because you would just ignore me for fucking Jimin. You love Jimin and I have to see you love him every day! Now you know why I was so hurt? Why I was ignoring you? He already has my dream of being yours but when he started taking you away as my best friend broke me even more! When you told me he asked you out, that was it. I was done with you, with trying on everything.” Taehyung pulled up his sleeves, “Look at these! You made me do this to myself for who knows how long! It won't go away Jungkook, the pain won't go away.”

Jungkook ran to Taehyung when he saw his cut wrist. He was already crying when he heard his best friends words but when he saw this, he let it all out. “no no no.” was all Jungkook said. He grabbed Taehyung's wrist and kissed the scars that he was responsible of. Taehyung didn't know what else to say but, “This is one messed up friendship”