Breathless -Lurlene McDaniel

Cooper

Cooper

Emily called crying and told me the news. Once we hung up, I went out on the cement pad in back of our trailer and began wailing on my punching bag. Sweat is pouring into my eyes. My arms are heavy and my knuckles sore inside the gloves. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. The doctors are going to cut off Travis’s leg.

A neighbor’s dog is barking, and someone yells, “Shut up!” The dog yelps in pain and I slump to the ground and hang my head. I can’t help the dog. I can’t help Travis. I can’t help Emily. I’m good for nothing.

I get up, turn on the hose, and take a long drink. I douse my head and neck to cool off. I go inside the trailer, where it’s dark and the AC wall unit and two tabletop fans are barely keeping the place cool. The air stinks. Dishes are piles in the sink and the garbage can is overflowing. I should clean it up. If I don’t, no one else will.

I’m hungry, and I glance at the clock. It’s after two and I haven’t had anything to eat since last night. My summer job at the burger joint starts tomorrow. Until then, I’m on my own. I hear Ma snoring in the back above the racket from the AC. I walk to the bedroom and crack open the door. She’s lying half on, off the rumpled bed. I go inside, scoop up her feet, and position her better on the bed. She grunts but doesn’t wake. On the nightstand I see a half-empty vodka bottle. She hasn’t worked in weeks, but she still manages to buy her booze.

“Get a job, Ma,” I say quietly. My paycheck won’t stretch far enough to cover rent and electricity, food, gas for my car, and her booze.

I wonder what other guys talk about with their mothers. Wouldn’t they tell them about their best friends having cancer? Mine probably doesn’t remember that I have a best friend.

I pull an old soiled comforter over her, see her purse on the floor and pick it up. Inside I find a twenty-dollar bill. I know she came by it.

I should go to the hospital. I can’t not today. Travis need time to think this out for himself.

I leave the bedroom, grab the keys to my old Pontiac off a wall hook, and head out to buy food.