This is Me.

Boys.

I know I'm only 16, but I've had crushes like you wouldn't believe. Since kindergarten, I've had a crush on someone every year. Whether it be the same person for 2 years or a different person every year. The truth is, I have a problem, in general, yes, but also with boys. I'll take you to the beginning.

Kindergarten. Now you're probably wondering, "Didn't boys have cooties back then?" And to me, they didn't. It was more of a "Wow he's so cute" type of thing. But moving on, it wasn't exactly a crush. Basically, this kid, let's call him Eric because I genuinely don't remember his name, always wanted to hold my hand. I know, it's stupid now, but we were in kindergarten so it seemed like a big deal.

We'd be sitting on the reading carpet. And as my teacher read, Eric always made me hold his hand.

"C'mon, no one will see us, we'll cover our hands with our knees." He tried convincing me. And I didn't really want to, but we sat criss-cross applesauce next to each other, our knees touching and our hands were hidden. The only reason I ever agreed was because I was scared of him, he had extreme anger issues.

I remember once it was almost time to go, we were all at the door waiting for the dismissal bell. I guess someone had said something to him and he got extremely mad and then he started shoving the other kid. It was a mess. I don't remember much after that. But in 1st grade, I don't remember ever hearing of him again.

Someone I'll probably hear of for the rest of my life since 1st grade is Elliot. Kind of hard to forget your first ever real crush. The story is a very long and painful one, so get ready. I had heard his name before I even actually saw him. In kindergarten, you were either in the morning classes or the afternoon classes. I was in the afternoon class, and Elliot was in the morning class. We had the same teacher, so she constantly brought up her morning class. Before class started she'd tell us how her day went with the morning class and about whatever funny thing one of her students did. Elliot was mentioned a lot. Somehow his name was always the one that stuck with me like it was fate (bleh).

So I knew the name before I saw the face. When I first saw him my first thought was, "wow he's cute." And then I heard his name and realized, "wait, that's Elliot?" And so I started liking him. I was 7 years old and I had more confidence than I will ever have in my life. Every chance I got I would be around him. If I could I would sit next to him. I managed to do it so often that once, in P.E class, the teacher told us to sit down and I ran to sit next to him.

"Why do you always sit next to me?" He didn't mean it in a mean way, he just genuinely didn't understand why.

"I don't, know..." Obviously, I wasn't going to be like, Oh ya know, I'm just madly in love with you. I was 7 and did not want him to know that I liked him, it would be the end of the world. Only, I hadn't realized how close the end was.

I don't know how it happened, but suddenly everyone wanted to know who I liked. I only told my "best friends", Sophia and Justine. And of course, they managed to tell the entire class. Plus the entire first grade. Elliot obviously knew, but he never really mentioned it. Even after he found out, I was very persistent.

My mom and I made jewelry as a hobby, and I, being myself, decided to make Elliot a bracelet. I remember it being specifically a red bracelet. As soon as I finished the bracelet I brought it to school. He sat a few rows in front of me, and I told the kids in front of me to pass it to him. A few minutes later they passed it back and I asked why.

"He said his favorite color is green." I'm still very salty over this.

And yet that moment didn't stop me from liking him. I know, because I only stopped liking him after second grade. 2 years later. Only because we were no longer in the same class.