FOMOPHOBIA

chapter 1

Fomophobia. (noun) The medically diagnosed phobia, in which a patient has a fear of missing out on important events. Probably better known as FOMO. But what the puny peculiar mind of a human being doesn't realize is how much more it is. Every antagonizing minute I sit and rot here, hardly able to intake the intoxicating air around me knowing that the world can still move when one person is still. People move on leaving you alone, unwanted, afraid. Everyday the routine is the same, becoming harder and harder for thought itself to generate. Each day I become more of a drone to this society, my mind nothing but a microchip in this flesh based robot we call a body. Yet each day I come back to this spot to break routine. But even the break of routine has become sync within me, a part of me, and now everyday has grown to be the same again.
Have you ever been in a place so low you can't even find the strength to push out one salt driven tear, your heart aches with every unsteady beat, your bones so stiff in paralyzation as your mind has given up the will to control them. Glass seems to coat the inner rims of your eyes, your life becomes so much of a blur you can't tell ones who were once closest to you from just another familiar glance of a predator. Everything around you has become stagnant in the stale air surrounding you, suffocating you with every slow and painful intake. Every once in a while I see the slightest of silhouettes bead past my line of view, reminding me how unneeded a person really is. So many things taking place around you, so many events happening, none of which you are involved, the thought pounced around the hallow walls of my skull, and yet, people go on. You're mind becomes a shack and every sliver of light that somehow slipped in gets cut off by another haunting memory. Every elongated second you waste starring into the dark abyss, excusing itself as your life, you realize just how far into the abyss you've fallen.
Have you ever missed somebody so much no matter how far your mind travels, it always seems to trail back to one string of thought. The sent of their clothes, the feeling of your hand brushing against the warm flesh coating their face, their daggering eyes, you even catch on the to steady rhythm of their every breath. Breathing has become an obstacle, talking has become foreign, the entire thought of interaction mocks you, scares you. It's funny how immense the impact of a single being can pound into our minds, the memories of them taunting your existence. You play every moment you've spent with them on replay until you can perfectly pixelate an image to commemorate. Until the false hope gets ripped out from inside you, leaving your shattered heart more empty than it was before. But how can you be empty if there was nothing to start with? This is the question i've been asking myself. I have become nothing, a stone. Staring at its prey but never having the courage to pounce. But how can you take away emotion when there is no emotion left to take away? Any ounce of bitter emotion their once was has become fossils buried deep into the crevices of your soul. But is there a soul... ? they've moved on. I am missing out on everything in their life, my family's life, my life. He took, everything.