Stone Cold

SIMULA

Simula

IT WAS MY first snow experience, the first snow fall since my three months stay in London. For me, who has been born and raised in a tropical country like the Philippines and never been in any country that has winter, the first sight of snow outside when I woke up and open my windows this morning was quite magical. I felt like a little kid, I ran immediately outside and embraced face down the cold snow-covered ground and marveled the touch of snow on my face.

If not for the little thing on my tummy that's not even quite that visible just yet maybe because of the huge sweater I was wearing, I would have chosen to just stay face down.

And if this is just a normal day, I might've felt better. But this is not.

And it really felt cold. Colder than the cold I had ever felt in my entire life.

But I didn't mind it for awhile.

I'll just lay here, the cold ground beneath me as I stare upward at the pale white lonely sky above me and the icy white flakes of snow drift down across my stomach and my chest and my face. It's as if the sky and the weather mirrors what I entirely feels inside.

"How about a tea first? You'll catch a cold there, hey," Bianca appeared on the porch holding a mug of hot coffee.

I got up then wrapped my arms around myself finally realizing how cold it felt with only a layer of grey sweater covered with another thick jacket and a navy blue cotton joggers on. I gently caressed my tiny bump apologetically.

"Winter is here," I said as I over-dramatically turn around and stride towards the porch copying how the line was said by Sansa Stark from Game of Thrones.

Natawa si Bianca sa ginawa ko. She's a huge fan of this series, I know.

I grabbed the hot mug of coffee from Bianca's grip when I reached her and made a small sip. Until she realized it.

"Hey! You don't understand what's bawal talaga ano?!" Sabay layo sa akin ng mug.

I was about to reach for it again but she refused and gave me a warning glare.

"I'll just look at the mug, I swear. Ngayon ko lang 'to nakita ah. Is this new?"

I was fancying the Game of Thrones inspired mug on my hand when I noticed Bianca's eyes fixed at something across the street.

"Ho. Ly. Shit." Nalipat ang tingin ko sa kanyang mukha. "Winter is here. And so does he." Bianca said, eyes fixed on something.. or someone from across the street.

I followed Bianca's gaze and stopped midway from almost drinking another shot of coffee when my eyes landed on him.

Dark-brown tousled hair, wearing dark maroon turtleneck sweatshirt under a black leather jacket covered with another long grey trench coat with some thick scarf around his neck. His jeans slightly hugging his thighs matches the color of his black boots and mittens. His back against the side of the hood of a parked car across the street. He looks like himself in one of those pages of a magazine he posed for a month cover issue. And his chocolate brown eyes, damn those eyes I hate to admit it but that I fancy about him, was straight on mine.

His stare was so intense that I had to look away. Hindi ko pa rin kaya. I know that look. That intense look with clenched jaw.

And just like that, just the sight of this man I purposely tried to get rid of, makes me remember that feeling I never want to recognize anymore and that I cannot even find to put on words with.