Everything I've ever wanted to say

YoU dOn'T rEMemBeR

You amaze me sometimes. 

I walked into the function room and began talking to my friends. At seven pm you were already drunk. I had only known you for a brief three months or so, you were 22. You bought me a drink and started asking about my horses and how I was going. I was surprised you remembered me. 

We joked around, talked like old friends. I had missed you. I forgot how fun you were. 

The music started, you shouted above the noise "I love this song!" You grabbed my hand without hesitation as the neon lights called us into the crowd. Your words slurred, your eyes wild. You were clearly drunk off your head but not once did a smile leave your lips. 

They all watched as we danced away. I had to hold you up most of the time as your legs failed like jelly. We were laughed at and as we danced, they smiled because you kept falling over. You did some pretty stupid things, like step on a bottle, throw your phone in the air and convince a kid to get on your shoulders. 

And you were waiting the whole night for this one song to come on, and when it did, you embraced me in your arms. Words are not enough to describe the warmth and comfort I felt. Your biceps around my torso so tight, it felt like you were never letting go. Your face on my shoulder, so close I could feel you breathing. Your hands entangled in my hair, it felt so right. You pulled away, held my face and lent in....

But I knew. I knew it wasn't right. You were so much older. I was still a child. Not only that, I wasn't ready and you were drunk. Every person seemed to stop and stare. So, with all the strength within me, I put a finger up to your lips and pushed you away. "No. Not today." I whispered, with everyone watching. So for the rest of the night, your hand remained on my waist, your eyes on mine. 

It took effort, trust me. I really wanted to kiss you. But what would have all my friends and your friends said? You wouldn't remember the next day and I would have to remind you. You'd be embarrassed and I'd be mesmerised. You'd apologise and I would have to say "Honestly, it's alright." When really, I enjoyed it. 

So, I sit at home, with your number dialled on my phone. But it wasn't real, you were drunk and I was young and bored. You made me laugh and addicted to your smile, but your addiction was alcohol and it made you want me.