Never Have I Ever

Chapter 18

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I could already hear Lissa's strangled sobbing when we entered the hospital. I didn't know how I knew it was her crying. I just knew. Eli sucked in a breath. I followed his brisk pace down the long hallway, my vision blurred from the tears I wasn't allowing to fall. My heart was in my throat. This night had turned into an absolute disaster.

"Nash Reynolds, where is he?" Eli asked, looking at the woman who was sitting at the desk. She looked tired, and worn out.

The woman looked up. "Are you family?"

"His brother." Eli didn't miss a beat.

She looked up at me. "Sister," I said, lying easily. Weird how in such horrible situations, a lie could come so smoothly. She looked disbelievingly between both of us. I had blonde hair and Eli had black. We both looked nothing like eachother, or Nash.

"Right..." she said slowly. "And...the girl over there," she nodded toward the waiting room. I saw Lissa and automatically my heart ached for her. She was cradling herself back and forth, sobbing into her knees. "She's your sister, also?" she raised her eyebrows.

Eli tapped the counter impatiently. "Yes," he snapped. "Can we see him or not?" 

"No," she shook her head almost mechanically. "No one is allowed to see Nash Reynolds right now."

"Well is he going to be okay?" he asked. I was trying to hold onto any composure I had right now. I could feel the lump growing larger and larger in my throat as the woman didn't answer right away.

"I can't answer that right now," she told us, but mostly just Eli. I felt bile rising in my throat again.

"Bathroom," I choked out, "Where is it?" 

She looked up at me, startled. It was like she hadn't even seen me before now. She nodded towards a door next to the waiting room. I could feel the bitter taste in my mouth already. When I closed the bathroom door behind me, I didn't even stop to turn on the light. I threw up into the toilet. My heavy breathing was the only thing I could hear. Darkness and a rotten, bitter smell. What if he died? What if the last time we spoke to eachother, I'd lied to him and we got in a fight? 

Someone knocked. "Hey, uh, I'll be in the waiting room with Lissa, okay?" I heard Eli say from behind the door. I didn't answer. I heard him walk away. I dragged myself up off the floor, turning on the light. Staring into the mirror, the pale girl didn't look like me. She had gaunt eyes and was sickly looking. I left the bathroom soon after.

Eli was sitting on the floor next to Lissa. She had stopped crying. She stared blankly at the ground. I felt like this had turned into something bigger than this car accident. Something I didn't know about. He was trying to get her to speak to him. 

"Lissa," he said for the fifth time. He was starting to look worried, until she looked up at him. He looked almost relieved, until her face started to crumple, as her sobs took over again. I couldn't take it. I had to look away from her. Grief was something I'd never experienced or known. I'd never known my father. My mother was just gone, not dead. I'd never lost anyone, not in the forever kind of way. I had comfort in the fact knowing my mother was someone out there, maybe drunk, or maybe happier. When you lose someone, you don't really ever have certainty that they're somewhere, looking out for you, watching down. They're just gone, and that's all you know. The expression showed on Lissa. She'd lost many. She could not lose another.

A doctor arrived later. "Only one person can go see him right now. Are you all immediate family?" his eyes traveled over us, taking in our very different appearences. We all nodded. He pursed his lips, but said nothing about it.