The New Goodbye

Before i write i just want to point out this is 100% fiction:)  also i dont know if this is good so far so  please let me know what you think  if i should keep going with this story.

Acceptance. The last and final stage of grief. I can’t say im there yet. Mostly because in order to accept it, I need answers. Like what happened to her? Or is she really gone or just in trouble? The things I’d do if only I had answers. Sure it’s been a year and I should move on and let it go, right? Wrong. I can’t let it go. She’s my role model. My advice giver. My bubbly and outgoing older sister. She’s Katrina.

             Memories of that night run through my mind like it was yesterday. They always start the same. When I got home from my week of summer camp.

I’m home.” I yelled as I walked in the front door and shut it behind me.

Nothing but silence greeted me, so I decided to try it again.

“Hello? Anyone home?” Nothing.

I went into the kitchen to get something to eat. And sure enough everyone but Katrina were at the table with tears in their eyes. I immediately got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, like something was wrong.

“G-guys what’s going on?”

My mom slowly lifted her head off the table.

“Ka-Katrina.” She cried harder.

I was still confused. “Katrina what?”

“Katrina… is gone.” Dayton cried.

“What do you mean gone?”

“Missing. Taeah. Katrina is missing.”

Those words from my father play through my head every time I go and set a spot at the table for her or go to her room for advice. Forgetting that she’s not there. Gone. Like the moments I spent with her.

 In my dreams I make a whole new scenario. In it I didn't go to camp and when that time came I stopped Katrina from going out. And bam she’s still here to give me advice, to make me laugh and she can still enjoy and live life. But for a sad and depressing reason I always have to wake up. Then reality sets in and I realize there’s no way she’s coming back.

And that's why im here talking to some guy who believes he is the next Doctor Phil. My mother has been making come here for six months and so far it has accomplished nothing. Since no one at home wants to talk about losing Katrina, my mom makes me and my brothers come here.

“So Taeah,how’s school going?” the “doctor” asked.

About a month ago I would’ve just shrugged, but I have learned that if you don't say anything the longer you have to talk to him.

“Good I guess, it did only start a week ago.” I replied bluntly.

“I guess it did.” He laughed.

I just rolled my eyes and shifted to a more comfortable spot on the leather couch.

“How does it feel to be there without Katrina there?”

No matter what he asks to break the ice it always comes back to the topic of Katrina. Which I guess is ok because that's the whole reason im here. But sometimes I wish that I could just bury her altogether. Then I realize until they find her that’s not possible at all.

“Different, I guess I’m getting used to it” 

“So it doesn't become a huge factor in anything at all at school then?”

“it did but it’s getting better.”

This is obviously a complete lie. I mean of course it's a big factor. I get looks of pity, sympathy and even grief. Everyday. It sucks I mean how can I get over it, when everyone around me is so content at holding on.