Missing You

What I feel about you

It's not my first try... and I kind of rushed it a bit because I don't want the idea to suddenly disappear, so here it is... I don't really have time to check the grammar or spelling or whatever... enjoy ☺

HER

You know... I never believed in love. Never ever in my entire worthless life that I ever clutch myself with useless things like 'love'. Maybe that's because my parents was divorced way before I was born thus 'love' was never practiced in my family. I guess my parents would never expect to have me in addition to their stormy and messy life. What's clear to me was in a relationship, there must be at least one benefits to each person involved in it. That's the perfect definition of relationship in my family's dictionary. My parents were born with silver, no, gold spoon sticking in their mouths. Maybe that's explained why they never felt like they need anything. It's simply because they would have whatever they desire and wish to appear in front of them in mere seconds. No one will disapproves what they asked. I was raised in that kind of environment. An arranged marriage for three years with the intention of producing an heir. Male heir to be more precise. Three tiring years passed by and no heir was born, or so they thought. Unfortunately, after the divorce documents were signed by both parties, the doctor pronounced that the once called 'wife' of a wealthy man was pregnant. Still, questions remained unanswered. Not for long though.

'Is it male?'.

'It' was what I was called. That's just a tiny fraction of my life. Even from the start I wasn't treated like a real human. Just a creature to continue the long legacy of materialistic families. Huh, tragic right?  The marriage of two cold hearted people with selfishness running through their veins produced a cold hearted daughter that nobody wants. But because of moral reasons and most definitely the way society looks and adore the family, the poor baby girl was taken care by the family. Even with the fact that none of the 'taking care' parts involved so called 'love'. It is as if the family afraid of losing people that had worshipped them for generations.

Therefore, this worthless and selfish baby girl grew up to be a girl that broke your whole life. A girl with the heart of a monster. A girl that turned your innocent and peaceful life into a miserable land of nothingness. Well, what would you expect from a girl that was raised to be a monster with an angel's smile?

If  I didn't destroy one's life, I would create a monster of my own. But in your case, I'm currently guilty for both charges. No 'sorry' in the world can piece back a broken life. No smile can stitch back a bleeding, wounded heart. Might as well just let the heart decay and die for good, or let it be frozen until the same fake sunshine melts it down. Like I did to you.

______________________________________

HIM

Was I naive? Was I just kind?  Was I just a little toy you play when you're bored with your meaningless life? Was my life that fun to mess up with? Or perhaps, I was an easy of a target?  I don't know. I don't want to know because the ending was in the past. The past that still follows me like an irritation shadow. Whatever explanation you might have about the things you had done to me can just disappear from my life. I guess, you did that. You disappeared from my life. It hurt. It hurt so much that it shut down any tears from forming and wetting my cheek. You see, you might not know this, but I only cried once since our break up. The night when you bid your knife piercing farewell was the night I act like a bitch in a drama. I cry, cry and cry till my eyes was red and swollen. I cry so much that the rays of sunlight indicating the morning had blind me for a second. The first time I wished to stay like that. Blind, so that I won't see your face again. So that you won't hurt me again. I cried the entire night without even a wink of sleep. There's a reason why I stop myself from crying after that pitiful night.  I pity myself because I had wasted my tears for someone as dead as you.

My heart is dead. It's still beating, but has lost the purpose of its existing.

You have created a monster, you know? 
That night, when you told me how you never even put me in your heart was a serious turning point for me. At the same time, instead of feeling betrayed, I felt like someone was ripping away a significant part of my heart. Do you know that you were part of my heart? Do you even know what the word 'heart' means to a person? Well, a dead person like you never possessed a heart to begin with.
You had sucked all my life away, leaving a soulless body  with the heart of a monster. I doubt that we will meet each other.
Maybe you felt like you had won a trophy by burning away my life to ashes.
That day when we first met still remain as the most precious memory that I own. It keeps on repeating itself like a broken music box.
It was like everything that I ever wanted in a girl was portrayed perfectly in front of  me. I didn't believe in a perfect girl because she never existed to begin with. Unconsciously, I started to imagine my own little imperfect dream girl.
And you know what? That was you.
You made me crazy. Not crazy for you, but crazy for what you have.
That smirk looking smile, that curvaceous body, that cute, annoying laugh are now the points that I look in a girl. All in the name to create another you that won't break me.