The chatter of people. The chattering sound of the shaking windows. The vibrations in my feet from the shaking floor. It has been years sense I have rode a bus. I remember them being much more fun. I remember talking to my friends in the seat across from me on the way to school. I remember the crude jokes made by the older boy I had a crush on who sat in front of me on the way home. Everything has changed since then. In the three years since I was last on a bus a lot has happened. Now it is a bus in a different state in a small little town, with unfamiliar faces. The bus is headed to a place that, honestly, I really want to go. I just need to leave that small little town. Just for a while. The bus is headed to a city. God I miss the city. I miss the sweaty man on the corner selling newspapers for a dollar every Sunday, I miss the countless fast food restaurants that were there when we didn't want to cook, I miss the library with more books then I could count, I miss the sound of sirens rushing to catch the bad guy, I miss my old home. I miss everything. Now there is no one selling papers, only two fast food restaurants, a library with 267 books, and the sirens are almost never heard. Before I would have woken up ,eaten a fresh breakfast ,and left for school . I would talk with the people I have known since kindergarten and learn the names of the hundreds of new faces. I would whine and complain about being tired at lunch time while chatting about the future to the kid who was to high to even realize he was at school.Then my mom would pick me up, and we would either go home or we would go to the new store nearby. Now it is noon and I am on a bus by myself. I have not eaten since 7:40 this mornings and slept for five hours last night. I fought with, and lied to my mother until she gave in to letting me go. I told her I will be going to a school basketball game, but really I will not even be near that. Please do not misunderstand, I do not hate this life. I know there are people who don't even have a chance to go to school, so I couldn't hate my privileged life. But as I sit here looking out the window, and I see that the buildings are getting closer together I can't not help but be unhappy about that small town. For the first time in months I see businesses not farms. The rest of my family had grown up quite a bit before we moved to the city, so they are fine with where we live now. But I grew up different. I grew up with different kinds of people, and different possibilities everyday. Here there only a few people ,and they all copy each other, so everyone is the same, and everyday is the same routine. Soon i will go away to collage. I'm sorry if I disappoint my family, but I can not to the same as my siblings. I can't just search for my soul mate, I want a career. I will not go to the local collage and live at home then drop out two years in, I want to go somewhere. I can not just take life as a joke and get a low paying job and live at home. I'm sorry but right now that house doesn't feel like home. I know that I could change my mind, and maybe I am acting like a spoiled teenager, but I can't help it. I always get good grades, I never skip school or leave without permission. So for me to want to take this bus out of town so badly tells me that something really is wrong. Even when I leave, I will come always come back to visit this town. I will not abandon my family. I will continue to love them where ever I go, and I hope that they will support my choices. It may be hard, and they may end up hating me for a while. That is the sacrifice I have to make. For these next few hours I will make sure that this is really what I want to do with my life. Then I will come home, tell you a lie about how the "Basketball Game" was good, and continue living where I am. I will try to little by little make you aware of my plans, but I know you will not except them. So, when the time comes I am sorry but I will leave you. It will hurt us both and I really will be sorry. As I sit on this bus with nothing to do I can't help but thinking about things like this. It's just part of who I am. So when I go back to that house in a few hours I will pretend that everything will be okay, and try to fit in. Because I know that soon I will hurt you, and when the time comes please read this and realize that I had to do it. Also remember I'm sorry I hurt you again.
