Fire

I stood frozen to the ground as the warmth of the fire embraced me. I remember the morning it happened, the morning I never could forget. No matter how much I tried I couldn't keep the image from my mind. They seemed to have been carved on to the back of my eyelids. People told me that it wasn't my fault, that I should try and move on, but they didn't tell me how. I started feeling a constant sadness that turned into a physical pain. I saw people and yet I didn't. I had friends and yet no one heard me. I think they tried but they didn't realize how deep the wound was but then again I hid behind a smile. Everybody seemed so happy and I didn't want to take that away. Because sometimes it's better to die a little everyday than to hurt anyone around you. I used to wake up at the middle of the night screaming, crying, apologizing. I kept seeing what would have been if I hadn't seen them, if I didn't stop, if I had just stayed at home. 'If' was the keyword.

I remembered waking up that morning, talking to my neighbors, drinking coffee and reading a book. It was a beautiful day. It did get a little cold in the evening. I walked down the stairs to light the fireplace. I saw the log fall out. I saw it was burning and yet I didn't pit it out, I could've but I didn't. I simply turned around and walked to my room. I knew what would happen and I didn't care. I lied down and saw the smoke curl beneath the door and then blackness. I don't know if I fell asleep or just passed out because of the smoke. I woke up after an hour I think. I stood up and saw the fire licking at my door. I stood frozen to the ground as the warmth of the fire embraced me.