We're here, I thought. I look around the vast, calming scenery.
The open sky, the clear waters, the clouds, the island miles away from here - our beach.
It has been a while since I've been here. Weeks or months probably. Well I visited this place siguro a week ago pero that's that. The last time I really felt the aura here was months ago.
I went to the balcony, closed my eyes, felt the wind on my face, and reminisced every moment of that day.
The day I took her here.
I couldn't forget her face when she saw the place. How after we walked 152 steps down from the mountain to here. It's at the edge of an island and behind a mountain. Actually great if you'll ask me.
Okay going back to her, I couldn't really take off her smile on my mind since that day. She just sighed in awe, looked around the place like a kid in a toy store, and went back to me with a huge smile plastered on her face. The most beautiful if you'd ask me.
I smiled back of course, she said some words that I couldn't really remember because the only ones that struck on my mind was when she said thank you and kept repeating "Ang ganda dito". She didn't know how much I wanted to say "mas maganda ka" everytime she'd tell those words.
I also remember when we went to the 2nd floor of the beach house. We went to the balcony, just looked at the sea. We were mesmerized, not knowing that I was just looking at her while she's taking in the view. Lucky for me she didn't catch me.
Well she nearly did when she looked back at me but yeah iniwasan ko tingin niya. I don't really know if she caught me but oh well. She talked about her manliligaw after that.
I really don't know if you'd call it manliligaw kasi they're always together. Harot harot landi landi but in a good way. It's obvious that they like each other, everybody knows. I bet they're just waiting to graduate before they could become official. Goals, right?
Goals for them.
But that conversation went out of my head when we were about to sleep. It was night when we arrived so yeah. We enjoyed it with our friends. We were a bunch coming here, but everytime I looked at her, It felt like it was just her and I.
She went to bed, at the edge just infront of the window looking at the beach view to be exact. We were watching a movie and I went beside her. Galawan you can say.
It was around 1 am but who cares.
I was with her.
We talked and laughed. Simple things friends talked about. She kept talking about him. It was his birthday that time. I was actually surprised that she chose to come with me, I mean us, rather than to be with him. Considering the fact that she wasn't even planning to say yes when I asked her on the first time.
Sweet, I thought. But just for the mean time.
There were times that she would move closer to me. I thought that she was already asleep because cmon she has her space why would she move closer to me? But when I turned to her, she was awake. Watching the movie that was on tv. I smiled, but only for myself.
I was about to go outside the room and go accomodate my other friends but she grabbed my arm and told me not to go yet.
Only to be said na "Gisingin mo ako kung mga 3 am na". Well she smiled so of course I replied with a sure. Walang tulugan ang modo ko that time. When she moved to her side and went to sleep, I just stared at her, holding myself from kissing her forehead goodnight. Creepy maybe but ganyan kung in love ka.
Love.
It can be pero I dont wan't it to be.
Wala naman akong chance so what's the point diba?
I went outside, strolled around the shores, felt the night.
Not even knowing myself that the real reason of me not going to sleep is not because I don't want to, but rather because of her.
I sat down on the sand. Threw stones at the water. Skipping stones if you call it? I don't know.
When I got bored and tired, I just looked up and stared at the night sky. The stars, the moon, the darkness. Wondering how they complement each other so well.
I was debating if I would tell her the truth later when I'd wake her up or before she'd leave. But I couldn't make up my mind kaya lets just see later then.
3 am came and I was about to wake her up. Knowing that she was a heavy sleeper, I only shaked her lightly. I didn't want to wake her up. Even I was tempted to because it'll be our alone time, I didn't. She was tired.
So I spent the night alone and sleepless.
When morning came, me and our friends planned to walk around the beach. "An adventure" they said.
It was also low-tide so why not.
We were just walking when a hand caught mine. I was surpried thinking that maybe that person just held it for balance, but to my surprise, it didn't let go.
I looked if who was it, and it was her. I faced the shorter one with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. You know just playing if why she was holding my hand. She just smiled sheepishly, showing up a peace sign with her other hand. I chuckled in reply, shaking my head.
And my heart started to race.
There were times that she'd tighten the grip, I'd chuckle. She'd look at me with a mean stare but I'd just start to laugh. And when there were times that she'd fall, I'd be there to catch her.
The others were smirking at us. Why though.
I was supposed to ask her why she was holding on to me rather than her bestfriend, or the other ones that were bigger then me but oh well. I mean I was taller but yeah.
After that "adventure" we went back. She let go of my hand. Ouch but I couldn't do anything.
More hours passed by then they were about to leave. They were packing up and all I could do was just watch and assist them.
When all of then were leaving one by one, it started to get dark. And surprisingly, she was the only one left.
"This is it," I said.
I went to her, took up all the strength I got and told her the truth. These feelings I felt everytime I'm with her, even if I could just see her walk inside the room, how she made all the butterflies go crazy, how her simplest gestures would make my day and how she makes me the happiest.
She smiled.
And then I opened my eyes.
Snapped out from my thoughts and woken up by reality.
The reality that I didn't tell her anything.
Because the truth was, when I grabbed her hand so that she could face me, her phone rang which meant that her fetcher was already there.
She ended the call then looked back to me again. She was asking what but I couldn't manage to speak. I was frozen. My head struggling to find the right words. But then I still spoke.
"Goodbye, Jho."
That was all I could say. The words that I wanted to tell vanished in just a blink of an eye. I let go of her hand, regret washing all over me.
She smiled. A sad kind of smile.
"Goodbye, Bea."
And then, she left.
