No I haven't cut before, however I do understand a cutters pain for I have been on the very edge of suicide before. As I was clenching the butcher knife within my hand it was shimmering beneath the kitchen lights. Earlier that night I felt lonely and as if there was no reason for me being alive. As I grasped the knife I couldn't help but hear my brothers words running throughout my mind, "You're a mistake, an accident. You should have been the first one that didn't make it."
There I was trembling with fear, yet clenching the knife in my hand slowly raising the knife to my neck. At this point in time I couldn't feel anything; love, hatred, sadness.. I just felt nothing at all. I kept trembling as the knife came closer towards my neck until I felt the blade against the skin of my neck. Then I stopped trembling and all I could think was 'it's all going to be over soon, no more stress and worrying, no more pain and suffering.'
That's when I heard footsteps from the hallway making their way towards the kitchen. I had the option to quickly leave it all behind or put the knife back and pretend nothing happened. That's when I felt sadness for my family, despite the fact that I felt like they hate me and that I'm a mistake. I quickly placed the knife away and stood there empty handed staring into space as if I was a lifeless mannequin, or at least that's how I felt.
