Running and Remembering

Chapter Three

As I run into the library, a million memories and thoughts enter my mind. No. Not now. My knees give and I’m on the floor, holding my head. No. No. NO. The pain of my own memories is insurmountable. And I’m screaming. Get out of my head! Get out! I remember so many faces, so many voices, yet nothing connects. It’s like having a thousand puzzle pieces that don’t connect. And it causes so much pain.

I’m still screaming as a pair of arms wraps around me and picks me up. I open my eyes to see the books of the library speeding by, and then it stops with my screaming, the books replaced with one of the many doors within the TARDIS. The door opens and I see a room of blue light, with what can only be described as a consul at the center. Above the consul there are spinning disks with a circular pattern on them, and I get a notion that it’s a language. The language of Gallifrey.   The Doctor sets me down on the floor, and starts pushing buttons and pulling levers with a face of urgency. He pulls one final lever and runs around the consul and picks me up. The Doctor runs out a different door than the one we came through, and suddenly we’re outside, in a park near a large apartment complex.  The large, multi-story building brings the faintest of memories back. A family, sitting at a table in a small apartment, discussing things in a whisper with grim faces. A man I recognize as my father sits at the end of the table, with tears running down his cheeks. He hits the table with his hand, suddenly angry.

“I could’ve prevented this!” he yells, standing up “If I took Ellie to the hospital instead of telling her to take an aspirin, she would be here today!”

The whole scene is suddenly too much for me. I block the rest of the memory, and close my eyes, letting the tears flow. The Doctor interrupts my sobbing with a pleading voice. 

“Clara, please, I need you to listen. This is where your grandmother lives, I need you to stay here, the TARDIS isn’t safe right now.”

“No. The memories are too strong here.”

“The TARDIS isn’t safe for you right now Clara, and I don’t know where else you could stay.”

“I’m not staying at my grandmother’s, I don’t even remember her.”

“Okay, right. Bad idea. Oh! Do you remember the Maitlands?”

The name offers some recognition, but no faces.

“I recognize the name very slightly, but I don’t remember anything specific, like faces.”

“I wonder if taking you to their house would do anything, and besides, I’m sure Artie and Nina would take care of you.”

The names Artie and Nina bring back powerful memories, faces, voices, everything.

“Was I their nanny at one point?”

“Yes! Good job! You’re remembering!”

“Doctor, I don’t think you understand how painful remembering is.”

“Ah, but I think we found somewhere you could stay while I fix up the TARDIS.”

✯✯✯

The Maitlands’ house is larger than I remember, but then again, I really don’t remember their house at all. The Doctor is the one to knock on the door and say hello to Nina and Artie. He explains my memory loss, but not the accident that caused it, he fears that telling the children about that would cause nightmares. The children agree to take me in, and try to cover up my memory loss when their dad is in the picture.

When I see Angie and Artie, I get an instant headache. Memories of Cybermen and a planet threatened to be bombed fill my head. I sit down on the sidewalk and hold my head. The Doctor runs to me, and mumbles something about if he had his TARDIS he could fix the whole painful memory thing, while helping me up off the sidewalk. The Doctor, always trying to fix things, including my brain. He helps me to the door, telling me when to step up on to the one stair to the Maitlands porch, and I reply with a, “Doctor I’m not blind, I just have a headache.”

Once he delivers me to the door, Nina and Artie hold me in a huge hug. I hug back, blocking the memories as much as I can.

“We missed you, you were gone a week!” says Artie, squeezing tighter.

“Well it sure doesn’t feel like a week!” I laugh, making a joke of my memory loss.

“That really isn’t funny.” says Nina.

The Doctor interrupts the moment by tapping on my shoulder.

“Clara,” he stutters, “Goodbye, for now.”

I push the kids inside and hug him.

“How long will fixing up the TARDIS take?”

“A couple of days… maybe a month.”

“A month?! Doctor, I need you. Can’t you just take the TARDIS to a repair shop or something?”

“My TARDIS is one-of-a-kind, Clara. There are no repair shops for something as complicated as the TARDIS.”

I look into his eyes and see concern, either for me or for his TARDIS.

“Okay, Doctor, Goodbye. See you in a month?”

“See you in a month.”

He kisses my forehead and walks away, never looking back.