Now That You're Gone

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I loved him for 5 years.😗 It really has been a long time. I still remember how childish he was when we were still in primary. 🤓He played around like a fool. I never really like him back then.😒 However my friends used to ship me with him just coz our names had the same first letter and we're both from the same country. I thought that he was an idiot, who plays around with a ruler by himself as if he was controlling an airoplane.

I still wondered what people saw in him. I then realized that ive payed a lot of attention to him. Ive realized that he became one of the reasons why i wanted to come to school. 😶I started to find his foolish attitude cute. I used to see him as average. And now i see him as the cutest. He was really stubborn we had many oppsites which kind of made me happy in some way.

He was always good at math.😎 I was always better than him at english. He was good with technical stuff like Ict and all. And id be a bit better than him in Art.🤥

In primary most of the time when the teacher makes seating plan, it is the time when i feel the happiest since most of the time. Im usually next to his. I😁 dont know why. But im always so thankful. Tho its just me that seemed to like it that way, he seemed to not care either way. He's so close yet so far. When we had Ict time we had to share laptops. And i wasnt that advanced with technology and he used to guide me patiently while teasing me.😛Thats how i began to act stupid in front of him since. Of course i didnt mind him teasing. Since his attention was all that i wanted.

There was times when he does naughty things. And i ended up telling him that ill snitch to the teacher. And he always tries to stop me. I found it cute.how he tries hard. That time he was really easy to understand. He shows everything easily. I could read him like an open book😙. But as he grow up.i realized that time changes everything. 🤐He got more complicated and of course i changed too. 🙃

I was the quiet type. I didnt have friends. All i actually had was classmates who i talk with. It wasnt friendship. All i could do was talk to them when the teacher told me to do so. Or listen to their conversation and holding back to what i have to say. Since i was afraid 😔😓that.id ended up not even having classmates anymore. That scares me the most. Now i'm quite loud  since i began to have people who i could actually call friends.

In primary i did have a friend👭. Well i thought we were friends👥. But i realized that she was...using me. I had a bit more knowledge than her when i was younger and helped her by letting her look at my book when there was a task. I also used to carry her on my back since she told me to do so. I was naive back then.

I also used to be a crybaby  😢and a person who takes jokes seriosly. And i believe this part of me hasnt change since then. Once i cried because one of my class mate teased me about a small issue. 😟Thinking about it now makes me feel so silly. However this isnt completely a bad memory. Since afterwards, my teacher told me to calm down outside. And the little guy i had a crush😍 on just happen to have gottten out of the class too. He wanted to go and get something from his bag outside our classroom then he came to me and said "are you okay?" I felt happy and ended up crying louder😭😂

He was really sweet, i remembered nearly everything in the past. Although i wish i could remember everything. Tho unfortunately i have short term memory.🤡 And so i still dont know why i could remember this after 5 years.

Then near the beginning of highschool.i realized i wasnt very good at hiding my feelings. I realized people could also read me like an open book. He became distant and i didnt understand him at all.😥 And rumors spread about be liking him. The rumors spreaded out fast. Most of the people in my year endes up knowing i liked him including his friend ofc. Everytime i see him i end up making a u turn or go as far away as i can. I felt concious of him.😶

And then i realized that to him i was nothing but a nuisance...😲🤧