Now That You're Gone

2

In primary indeed i was quite close to him, we were friends 👫but for some reason in secondary, everything started to change. We have gotten further apart.

Ive always had one to two spies.👥 Those spies are usually close to the guy i like.And as always i was still naive that time. One of the spies which was also my friend said she'd tell the guy i like that i like him. And of course i didnt want he himself to Directly know😆. So i gathered up all my courage and messaged him asking "did one of my friends message you anything? About me?". It took him quite a long time to reply. I didnt mind at first. I just felt nervous.
I checked my phone every minute to see if he had replied or not.

Suddenly "bling bling" i heard that time.i went to my phine and on my front screen it says "message from...(my crush)" My heart was beating really fast. My breathing pace became unbalanced. It took me around 5 mins to decide to open that holy message i firstly got from him. And when i finally opened it, and all he said was something like "no, i dont think so."
This migbt not seem much to people, but to me when it happen i couldnt stop smiling,😤 giggling and during the night when i had to sleep,😪🙄 my memory was full of him.

Afterwards i dont want to admit it, but i did have a bit of expectations😝
So i message him everyday pretending that i never knew what the homework was.🤥🤓 Sometimes i ask him questions i know he cant answer. I just wanted to keep the conversation going for as long as i could even if it meant to make me seemed like a fool. But the thing is when ever he replies he usually never replies more than 2 sentence and its always me who messages him more and who starts the conversation. This itself already shows that my love is one sided.💔

One day i told my spy to ask him what he feels about me, and the next day i found out when i had physical eduction. I ask my spy after i finished changing. And she showed me the message between her and him and it turns out to be that he thinks im annoying🙂. Well to be honest its not his fault for thinking of me that way. Coz i was annoying. I messaged him everyday. All i thought was about my happiness. I pushed my luck a bit. And ive asked him too before about was i annoying or not and he replied "oh nah you're cool" meaning nah youre fine. He was indeed very kind. I didnt know weather to get 😠😢sad since he called me annoying or should i get angry😡 for him for lying to me or should i get happy since he was kind enough to take care of the feelings of a girl who didnt matter. The fact that he hid the fact that im annoying and just told it to one of my spies made me feel a bit disheartened tho.😯 However happy😊since i just love him and his kind trait.

I thought about it all night 🤔and how i can change. Ive searched it all up it internet. And one of the link says if he really likes you back he'll make you feel as if you're fine the way you are and that you dont need to change. I felt likw that was the right thing. However i for a fact knew that my love was always 👱one sided 👧so i wanted to try change. To being the person who i used to be. The quiet type. However no matter what i ve done it just wont work. I also wanted to try and diet for him and look pretty.🤡 But it was difficult. 

Especially when i found out that he liked one of my friends...👿