Beyond (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 1

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CLOVERS POV

DESTROYED. My entire life, falls apart more and more every day. I get pushed, punched, bombarded with hatred and every day it feels like death is knocking on my door louder than it was yesterday. Never did I understand why i got all of this. Since first grade, I never exactly understood what I did wrong.

My hobby had turned into crying and my passion turned into anti-depressants. The only people who still held me to their hearts were my aunt and uncle. I didn't have anyone else. When I was younger, I had the choice of being home schooled or going to an actual school, how ever, going to an actual school was really tough. I liked a challenge though. I can tell you now, that was a mistake. I'm not giving it up, I'm in grade 11, I'm not stopping school now to be home schooled, because my mother always used to tell me ' once you start something, finish it'. So I  always followed that motto. 

Not many people knew how it felt to be called hideous everyday, to never be able to find a love, to be stuck in a black hole, only growing more and more in the place of my heart. How was I supposed to escape this mess, if there was no one there to help me clean it, but there were people there only making it bigger? 

When I was first born, my parents named me clover, like a four-leaf clover. I was supposed to be lucky. But I didn't know what lucky was, because I didn't consider laying in my bed, drenched in my pool of tears, lucky. 

What did I ever do wrong? I didn't understand it. Maybe it was the way I looked or maybe it was the way I dressed. I let my aunt pick what to wear for me. Anyways, I wouldn't know if it was the way I looked or the way I dressed, because I wouldn't exactly know the way I looked. I didn't see the clothing I wore. Maybe it was horrid. I don't know, but I do know they feel great on skin, unlike the scars that have formed from people tossing my heart around the place like a beach volleyball. 

My dreams every night form from the voices of the people who threaten me with the hate they offer everyday. It isn't fair, it just isn't. My life is harder as it is, I didn't need those people telling me who I am. I had my own way of working, my own way of seeing, my own way of learning, and just because I'm my own person and I had special ways of doing all these every day things, didn't mean I'm any different from those demons. It didn't mean that my blood is a different colour. Why must I be the one to be covered in the sorrow that had formed then re-formed within these aggravating years?! It wasn't fair.

I fluttered back to reality when I heard a knock on the door. "Come in!" I shouted, voice trembling once more in fear and face covered in tears. I was lost in my mind again. I always spoke to my mind, it was my only friend, because no one else would wanna be. 

My aunt stepped into my room and i heard her sigh. I already knew why, she saw me cry all the time, and we would always have a conversation on how I should have a smile on my face and crap, but it's not as easy when you're in my shoes. I mean I know that it could be a lot worse, not debating on it, because people have it much worse than me. I hear it everyday, it's just hard, because i only had three best friends; my mind, my tears and my fear. 

"Clove, not again. Sweetie, I know it's hard, but listen to me you can't jus-" 

"I know. I've heard it all before Ruby. Telling me again wont change a thing. I'm not quitting, I'm just breaking." I explained to my aunt once again, just like I do every single day she walked in on me  bleeding my own tears. 

"Alright, alright. Come on, breakfast is ready. You'll be late for school, here's your clothing by the way" Ruby said as she handed over from what i felt were skinny jeans and a tank top. I got up and changed as fast as I can into the clothing she gave me.  I grabbed my white cane and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I brushed my hair and as soon as I was ready, i walked over to the kitchen. The house we lived in wasn't very big, but it's because stairs would only make my life harder and cause more injuries. 

When I walked into the kitchen I smelled the splendid food ready on the table. I sat down and began to eat it. "You're lucky your eyes look no different than the other kids you know. You don't have to always wear those glasses." My aunt began. I hated when she talked about how lucky I was, because I already  knew how lucky I was, I didn't need her to tell me, I was just upset because I couldn't find anyone to love me for my personality and not how I do every day things. I knew I was different from the start, I just never knew why people hated it so much. Never have I ever had a boyfriend, no first kiss, not even someone who I can call my best friend, aside from my aunt, uncle, mind, tears and fear. 

"I know Ruby. I'm really fucking lucky. Can we talk about something else now?" I said after finishing chewing my food. 

"Nope, you gotta get going to school, come on, let's go get in the car. " She says. Ruby was a sweet person. She was super nice and understanding, she was caring, funny and I knew she was always there for me. I got up and grabbed the glasses that were always on the table and slid them on. I knew I didn't need them to hide my eyes, but I still wore them just in case my aunt was wrong. I waddled over to the car and got into the seat. It was always really hard learning how to do all those simple tasks, but I always believed in myself and I always believed that I can achieve anything I set my mind to, which is one of the reasons I decided to go to a real school rather than being home schooled. The ride to school usually lasted around half an hour from my house. I started thinking of all the reasons why, the entire school despised me.

I just didn't get why. Was it so wrong to be blind? It wasn't my choice to choose how my eye sight worked, it wasn't my fault!! I didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't fair! I dreamt that someone would look past the fact that I'm blind and instead take some of their time to see my soul rather than my ways of living. But people only ever looked at the way I dress and the way I learned and my 'stupid' name that apparently made no sense to anyone. I hated society and society hated me. 

I just didn't get why being blind was so fucking wrong!