damaged kisses; septiplier

day 12

mark was swimming in imagination and 12AM thoughts. he thought of Ireland, he thought of jack, he thought of kier, he thought of everything.

should I have told Jack I was coming?

what if something happens before I visit?

what if I'm too late?

is Jack okay?

am I okay?

"mark?"

mark perked his head up to meet Amy's concerned gaze, and flashed her a small smile, "what's up?"

"it's movie night," she stated matter of factly.

"oh," he double checked his watch and grimaced seeing that they were supposed to start the movie almost an hour ago, "oh right, sorry."

amy frowned and sat beside mark, the cool air around him being replcsed with warmth and assurance.

"how's jack?" she asked.

a long pause before mark spoke, "do you want the truth?"

"no I want a fib so I can rely on false hope," she pursed her lips, "sorry."

mark shook his head and let out a light laugh, "i dunno ams."

he sighed and laid down, head resting against the soft mattress, "i don't think it's even my jack anymore."

"your jack?" she raised an eyebrow.

mark flushed red, "i–i..."

amy waved a hand and chuckled, "no need to explain, i understand."

mark nodded and closed his eyes, "yeah, um thanks?"

"so," amy laid down beside mark and clasped her hands behind her head, "care to explain the whole 'not my jack anymore' thing?"

"right, sorry," mark mumbled and cleared his throat to explain, "it's just that... he's different, in a bad way. ever since he and kier started dating, our friendship changed, he changed. he just seems so pale, so lost, so sad amy. i don't know how to help, i don't know what to do. it's been like this for so long, i think jack is in too deep in his grave for me to pull him out."

mark didn't realize he was close to tears until amy sat up, pulled the tissue box out of his night stand, and handed it to him. he accepted it thankfully and continued.

"oh god amy, what if he's too gone? what if im too late? i just sat here, stressing over youtube, while he was dying at home. jack died amy, and i can't help but feel as if it's my fault. this isn't jack anymore, it's someone different. he doesn't hold the same smile, the same laugh, fuck, he doesn't even hold the same aura. it's just destruction, toxicity, forlornness, and death."

"what if i lose him, Amy? I can't afford to lose him, not like Daniel."

"I can't loose him like I lost Daniel."

he was ugly crying, regret seeping from every pore in his body. his kind was drowning, screaming, searching at the bleeding walls of his head, telling him that ITS YOUR FAULT. YOU LEFT JACK ALONE JUST LIKE DANIEL.

IT SHOULD BE YOU.

"mark," amy gently touched his arm, "are you saying jack is suicidal?"

mark merely nodded.

"and why do you think he is?"

"kier," mark spat his name out like venom, disgust and anger clear as day on his tear stained face, "he pushed, pulled, beat jack until he was a heap of war and abuse. Jack's hurting and it's all because of kier."

"kier's abusing jack?" Amy's heart broke in two.

"worse," mark spoke in hushed whisper, eyes wide in fear and anger. he looked amy in the eyes and spoke three words that sent shivers down her spine.

"he's killing him."

_______

METAPHORICALLY OFC ^

hey
guys
so
like

ethan noticed me

i WAS FUCKING SHOOK OKAY I WSA AT CHURCH AND WHEN I WAS ABLE TO PLAY ON KY OHONE AGAIN I GOT THIS NOTIFICATION SAYING HE ANSWERED MY ASK AND HOL SHIT I CRIED AND DIED AHH ILHSM (also, shameless promo of my tumblr ;] it's @/multifim)

also, I finally got the guts to tell my parents how I feel, and now I'm going to start seeing a councillor, starting tomorrow. it all ended in me crying a lot bc I never told anyone in person and it was so hard ugh.

please, if you ever feel as if anything too much, tell someone right away. an internet friend, teacher, guardian, anyone so you don't have to bottle it up and hold it inside bc that's not healthy :(( and i love you guys to bits and I can't stand knowing people are hurting. again, I love you all so damn much xxx

and ahhh eight more chapters or so until the book is finished :00 I'm gonna miss this a lot. maybe I'll do something special when it ends, like a Q&A? idk

-Alex (again, all the love)