Spacedere's Poems

PTSD

I haven't seen him in years.
Why am I still afraid of him?
Why am I still affected by him?
Do I see his horrors in my brother?

He was always angry.
He never smiled at me.
He called me worthless.
He put me down.
He hurt my mother.
He hurt my brother.
I wish he would have hurt me instead.

I don't care if he's dead.
I want to hear every day that he's dead.
I still hear nothing.
He has to be out there still.
He hasn't talked to his son in 4 years.
He's hung with a crack head since he left.
Wouldn't be surprised of he became a crack head as well.
Hopefully he'll overdose.

Every lockdown drill we have
Every lockout we have
I am afraid he'll smash through the door.
I'm afraid he'll come after me.
Even when I know its a drill.

He was so violent.
He broke his hand over my mother watching a show.
He is the reason I lie.
He is the reason I think badly of people.
He is the reason I stopped being social.
He's the reason I have dysphoria.
He's the reason I want to cry over my dumb emotions.
He's the reason.
He's the cause for this Trauma.