Brallon Oneshots

You Never Mentioned Your Boss Was Hot

AN: I was watching Horrible Bosses 2 while working tonight and yes this is totally based off the scene where they get stuck in the closet during the addict meeting. Brendon is based off Jennifer Anniston's character😍 and Dallon is based off Jason Bateman's. 😎 PS I'm still on post!panic concert high💙 they were so amazing😍
*******
"WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS STOP HOLDING DOWN THE BUTTON FOR TWO SECONDS?!" Dallon tries again.
"Dude I'm such a majestic beast! Like a griffin or some shit-" Kenny laughs over the radio.
Spencer jumping back in, "Can I be like, Eagle One?"
"Isn't that the president?"
"Maybe? Fuck if I know! Dallon you're giraffe."
"The fu- SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN!" Dallon tries for the dozenth time. He's sitting in the car outside. Spencer and Kenny running around inside trying to find the "laughing gas" while Dallon watches for anyone. If only the two dorks inside would stop talking on the walkie talkie for two seconds.
Dallon lifts his head from its resting position as the sound of a car startles him.
"Oh no..." he almost drops the tiny kids size pink walkie talkie stumbling to grab it, "HEY! Kenny! Spencer! Someone just pulled into Brendon's spot!"
Of course the two others keep talking on the other line.
And of course, a group of cars pull into the Dentist parking lot.
Kenny keeps on going, "I know it's heavy Spencer! Stop pointing it out and help!"
"IF YOU'D TAKE YOUR HAND OFF THE BUTTON I'D WARN YOU! Guyyyysss! Like 5 guys just pulled up outside."
The car that parked in Kenny's crazy ex bosses spot, Brendon, is a blacked out brand new Jeep.
No ones got out of it yet, not until now.
Dallon watches as a slim man steps out from the driver door. Sleekly dressed head to toe in black, matching his car of course.
Dallon stumbles slightly, blinking rapidly, "Guys... Some hot guy just got out of a car in Brendon's spot..."
The other people follow the mystery man up to the door and Dallon panics.
"I could leave... I've done nothing wrong... They'd turn me in though. Damn it!" He tosses the walkie talkie against the dash, getting out of the car.
He does his best to sneak inside, sneaking a peak in Kenny's old office to find the people he'd seen outside now there sitting.
"This is just fantastic..." he whispers to himself.
How am I supposed to get those idiots out of there? He thinks to himself.
Just as someone grips his shoulder firmly.
Dallon turns quickly, coming face to face with a security guard.
"You lost?" The tattooed guard ask.
"I ahhh.... no." Dallon stalls, looking the man up and down. I'm screwed. "I..."
The man chuckles, pushing Dallon forward into Kenny's old office.
The discussion in the room stops.
"Sorry I'm late. Got stuck across town. Found a straggler outside though." The man says sitting down.
The guy Dallon had checked out outside is sitting across the circle. Sitting up straight, he looks to Dallon, "Hmmm, no problem Zack. Hello stranger? Gotta name?"
"Down Brendon!" A girl across the circle groans.
Two things happen very quickly, Dallon realizes the hot guy is in fact Brendon and he sees his two idiot friends waving from the closet in the corner of his eye. Awesome.
"WHAT? I can't ask the man if he has a name?" Brendon eyes the girl.
"Alright you two," another man across the circle says pulling a chair to Dallon. "Sorry about that, please have a seat. I'm Patrick. That firecracker there is Brendon," Brendon nods, "Lucy, Patrick, Zack, Pete, Maria, Zoe and Ryan." Patrick finishes introducing them all.
"Oh umm, hello," Dallon waves. Trying to think quickly, he thinks of his friends stuck feet away, "My name is... Spencer."
A crash comes the closet.
The group turns to see what it was but Brendon stays tuned to Dallon, crossing his legs and leaning in intently.
"So Spence," Brendon starts, "Tell us about your addiction."
"Oh my addiction?!" Think Dallon THINK! Just make up some stuff, get through this, and get the guys out. "It uhhhhh, started a long time ago. Yeah, lots of stuff."
Brendon nods, "It's ok, this is a safe place."
"It started with my friends. Peer pressure."
A few in the group nod and agree. So he runs with it. "In high school. I heard about it through friends."
"It's not your fault, Spencer. You're here which is a great step." Patrick speaks up.
"Thanks," Dallon says before they pursue him to continue. "I use to do it with all the guys after school. Some I didn't know. We'd just meet and do..." Dallon gestures widely.
Another crash from the closet catches the groups attention.
Brendon chooses that moment to jump in, "What was your first experience?"
"Herrree we go again!" Lucy leans back, crossing her arms.
"What?" Dallon ask.
"Every time anyone new comes in and so much as barely check's Ken Doll out, he jumps them like a cat in heat!"
"Fuck you Lucy!" Brendon bites our, "I may look like Ken but I ain't flat down there babe! Ask Pete!"
"Dude, the fuck?" Pete throws his hands up.
"Lucy, please! And Brendon! Seriously? Pete just..." Patrick stands, rubbing his temple.
"What I was trying to get at before I was so rudely interrupted," Brendon rolls his dramatically, "Is has your addiction always been men?"
Dallon swears the man's chocolate eyes become even darker in that moment. It takes Dallon all but .5 seconds to answer "Always!" Dallon eyes Brendon as he stands abruptly.
"Everybody out!" Brendon yells, stalking across to Dallon.
Dallon legitimately forgets about his friends in the closet as he's practically tackled by the suit clad sex crazed dentist.
💙
There's a little skip in Dallon's step as he leaves the office. Checking the closet but thankfully finding it empty, he heads to the car.
He hops in the back, finding Kenny and Spencer waiting silently.
"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did?" Kenny grimaces.
"Ok fine," Dallon smiles cheekily, "I won't tell you." He leans back, hands behind his head.
"Woooooooow... I mean he's good looking but just... wow," he raises an eyebrow.
"You guys, he's literally the devil! He tried to seduce me unwillingly for two years!" Kenny practically squeaks.
"You couldn't handle him wee little man," Dallon scruffs Kenny's hair.
"I don't want..! I am happily married! To a woman! We have beautiful children!" Kenny frustratedly yells.
"We know, we know buddy." Spencer pats his shoulder. Before sneakily high fiving Dallon.
Dallon leans between the two front seats, "I got his number too. Kenny you never mentioned how-"
"That's it!" Kenny opens his door, getting out and slamming shut as he stomps away.
"Should we follow him?" Spencer watches the angry little guy run off.
"Yeah," Dallon groans, "Can't lose the little guy."
Spencer starts the car beginning to follow their friend, as Dallon speaks up. "Hey so is it weird that he knew my real name? Cause when we-"
"Hell no. Please don't go there. I love you bro but please no dirty details. As long as he didn't call out my name I'm good. You two weirdos are perfect for each other. I met him at a Christmas dinner Kenny made me go to when he worked their. He saw your picture on Kenny's piano and asked who the tall glass of water was. I told him."
"So he knew who I was when I walked in..." Dallon smirks in realization.
"Like I said, weirdo match in heaven." Spencer rolls down the window. "Kenny get in the car you idiot! You're gonna freeze!"