After a few hours sleep, I woke up to silence. I bled inside form the pain that I was causing to myself, but most importantly to my family, but it was the only way to protect them and Jacob. I just lay in the darkness of my room, until I finally heard someone approaching my room. I managed to dry my eyes just before Jacob walked in.
'Nessie...' he whispered. I felt the bed dip as he sat beside me.
'I thought I said I need to stay away from you.' I tried my hardest to stop my voice from breaking into a sob.
'Please just...' I cut in again.
'Save it Jacob. I am getting rid of this baby. It's the only thing to do'. Once again, I felt as though someone was clawing at my heart, trying there hardest to rip it from my chest. Jake suddenly snapped.
'I don't know what's happened to you Renesmee, but if you get rid of our child that is it. There is no going back.' He was shouting, choking on his tears of fury and sadness.
'Fine.' He looked at me. The look in his eyes from that one simple word would haunt me forever. The look of utter dismay and loss is a look I would forever be able to see in my mind.
'Goodbye Renesmee,' he said. His voice was hard and cold, but the tears still streamed down his face. And then he left. I watched him walk through the door. Out of my room. Out of my life. I let out a strangled cry and crumpled into a heap, my mind disconnecting from the world.
*****
When I told Carlisle what I wanted him to do, I could see from his face that he didn't agree. 'Nessie, an abortion isn't the best option. For one, I don't know whether it will have any effect on the baby, with it being about a third of everything. Secondly, there is no need, there are so many people here to help you...'
'Stop'. It had been three weeks since Jacob left, three weeks since I had seen or heard from him. Everyday since then everyone had been telling me I didn't need to kill my baby. That they could all help me. Could they not understand that getting rid of it is the only way to save them from danger?
'Ok', he gave up easily, knowing there was no point in going on. 'I will go to the hospital and get the pills for you now'.
'Thank you' I whispered. He gave me a weak smile before leaving the room. I began to listen to the conversations that were going on downstairs.
'I don't know what she is thinking!' came a painful exclamation from my mom.
'She seems to be thinking exactly what she is saying', my dad replied, 'Either that or she is extremely good at hiding her true thoughts'. Which I was, that was exactly what I was doing. I wanted more than anything to let someone know my true feelings, but if I did they would only try and persuade me to change my mind. If I was going to go through with this, I had to keep pretending, keep pretending that killing mine and Jake's child was what I wanted.
*****
I sat on my bed; water in one hand, pill in the other. The pill that would kill mine and Jake's baby.
'Are you sure you want to go through with this?' asked Carlisle, the only other person that I had allowed to be in the room.
'I'm sure'. The frantic conversations downstairs rang through my mind; how can they stop me? Isn't there another way? The answer to both was no.
I put the pill on my tongue. My heart began to bleed. I put the cup to my lips. My head began to scream. Blood rushed to my head and I felt faint. NO! NO! I can't! My heart screamed at me, begging me to stop.
'No! No! I can't!' I screamed out loud, flinging the glass onto the ground, the murderous pill following a hundredth of a second later. My emotions flooded right along with my tears. I struggled to catch my breath, I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me. Carlisle was by my side instantly, along with my mom and dad, who had heard everything from downstairs. They cradled me like a baby.
'Jacob', I gasped, 'I need Jake!'
'Edward, go and find him. He was still on the reservation a few days ago. She needs him.' My mom shouted while stroking my hair. I tried to explain to mom and granddad why I did what I had.
' I thought th...that if I pre...pretended not to c...care' I managed to choke out, 'I w...would be able t..to go through with it'. I gasped for air as I began to sob again.
'Nessie, you don't have to explain! Its all going to be ok. You will both be fine'. Mom soothed me.
'But I hurt everyone so much! How could I be so heartless?'
'You did what you thought was best. No one blames you for this'. I felt so guilty. I just prayed that Jake could forgive me for the past three horrible weeks. A second later, dad once again entered the room. He stopped for a second.
'He's gone. They have all gone'.
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