All I Can Give

Ch. 1

In her arms is the firm, solid weight and warmth of her niece, quiet even as the snow swirls down around them, covering the ground and threatening to bury the graves. Liv stares at the name on the tombstone, tightening her grip on her niece with each passing second.

The trouble had started not long after her sister became pregnant. What was supposed to be a joyous occasion turned stressful when the doctors announced her pregnancy would be a high risk one, full of possible complications. And there was the occasional complication from fluctuating blood pressure, not gaining enough weight, to gestational diabetes. But the labor had come and was a normal albeit very painful labor.

Liv can remember the nurse's words: placenta has ruptured and then she watched as her sister was wheeled away for what an emergency C-section which the doctors hoped could save them both. It was through a C-section that the doctors wheeled out a baby girl in an incubator with oxygen over her small face. It was through a C-section that her sister weakened and laid there exhausted, too drugged on painkillers to feel the pain of her surgery.

Liv stood by her after she came to and after the baby was finally allowed from her incubator, tubes still in her nose and monitors on her chest. Liv stood with her shirt open, the baby pressed against her bare skin, wide eyes looking around in something that was almost confusion. Her sister looked so happy as she reached up to touch the bottom of a tiny foot that peeked from the blankets.

"I'm not going to leave this hospital you know. Doctors told me all my life that I couldn't have kids and now I do. And it was such a journey, huh Paisley?" Liv stood silent, unsure of what to say, what to do. She wanted to object, to fight her sister on this and make promises but she couldn't. Instead she let her sister touch and coo and fuss until finally her hand fell away.

"She is the goddess Iðunn; I can feel it. It's your duty Liv as Hlín to protect her and keep her safe." There was a multitude of things she wanted to say: that she was too young, she wasn't even sure how to be a mother or if she wanted children. But their parents had said goodbye already, had said their prayers over her and even begged the gods to save her, to have mercy and spare. But they knew too it was a hopeless thing that their daughter's time was over.

"Okay." And as her last duty to her sister Liv leaned down and kissed her forehead, lingering when she heard her sister sniffle and saw the tears that rolled down her sister's cheeks.

"Go to sleep." Liv encouraged and watched as she closed her eyes. For a while she sat and listened until finally the machine stopped its beeping, flat lining and echoing in the room.

Liv stares at the grave and tightens her grip on Paisley again, lifting her closer to her chest. Her sister had performed her duty as Gefjon, giving her daughter the gift of life and in exchange giving hers up. And now it was her turn to perform her duty. With a final look at the grave Liv turns and walks away, looking down at the sleeping Paisley.

"It's okay, I'm here. I've got you." Liv promises quietly as she stares down at the dark hair covering her head.

"I promise my little goddess that nothing will happen to you." And she walks towards the car which waits, filled to the brim with their things. There's a plane to catch, a new house to be settled in and a new store to open. All without her sister Liv thinks bitterly as she buckles the car seat.