All I Can Give

Ch. 3

The mood is a dour one in both the home and the flower shop the next day. Liv wakes up with a headache, throbbing at her temples and spreading downward. From further in the house she can hear Paisley fussing and her mother trying in vain to soothe her while her father shuffles around. No coffee has been made yet by her mother and no pot smoked by her father. Because today is her sister's birthday. The only difference between this year and the previous years is that there will be no cake or presents, there won't be any special dinners.

This birthday is spent in the flower shop making arrangements with a string of curses for each prick of her fingers on thorns; her mother is bent over a clipboard and tapping a pen irritably against her cheek. In the back of the shop she smells her father more than she can hear him, the scent of weed strong, his voice strained as it reaches them. And it almost goes completely planned; as uneventful and dour as they plan for it to be. There are cupcakes between the four of them, complete with frosting and sprinkles that are almost, almost the right color. That is almost, almost Lee's favorite color.

And things almost go completely as planned, as uneventful and dour as they plan for it to be and then Paisley lets out a cough. It goes ignored at first, Liv giving her a small pat on the back and then waiting. She lets out another one and this time it's more forced and there are concerned looks being passed around the table now as she scrapes her chair back.

"Paisley what's the matter baby? Hey, hey Paisley..." Liv lifts her from the high chair, panic seizing her chest as the baby continues her coughing fit, face turning a bright red. Liv flips her over onto the palm of her hand and begins to pat her on her back. Her parents rise from the table, hands reaching for Paisley who gives a cough and then goes limp against Liv's hand. There is a moment of stillness and then there is screaming from her mother who stares at Paisley, grabbing her face and tilting her head, trying to make her breathe, to make something, anything come out of her mouth. Dalton nods his head despite the fact that the dispatcher cannot see him, repeating over and over that they need an ambulance please. And Liv stares at the limp baby in her hands whose face seems to pale with each passing second.

She stares at her hands in the car as they drive behind the ambulance, as they walk into the hospital and as they stop outside of the room where the paramedics disappear with Paisley. Her mother leans back against the wall, tapping her fingers against her chin and staring up at the ceiling. Liv stares at her, at the rigid set of her jaw, the stiffness of her shoulders and the shaking of her hands. She should stand up and hug her, offer her some sort of comfort. But she's not exactly sure what she's supposed to say or do. So she looks towards her father who sits with his head bowed against his hands.

"I think that I'm going to go to the vending machines and get us some water." She has no idea if there's even anything other than lint in her pockets. She doesn't have her purse or her wallet. But still she stuffs her hands into her pockets and wanders towards the vending machines, her already knotted up stomach tightening up further as she stares over the different drinks. She may as well be thinking about drinking ashes.

"Excuse me. Could I sneak past you there, oh I know you. You sold me the flowers yesterday." The woman's face is familiar but doesn't have a name to go with it. She looks as anxious as her mother though, wringing her hands and shooting nervous smiles at Liv. "I guess that it's just one of those weeks huh? First we have a meteor shower and then an earthquake and now...People in the hospital." Liv stands for a moment, her hands still stuffed into her pockets and then she's clearing her throat, nodding at the woman.

"Yeah, yeah...Sorry, I'm sorry. My head hasn't been attached to my body here lately. I didn't even introduce myself yesterday, I'm Liv. Did your husband like the flowers?"

"Val and yeah, he loved them. Do you mind if I ask why you're here?" And again it feels like her hands are holding the weight of Paisley's limp body again trying to find some sort of way to make her move. Her hands go back into her pockets, her fingers curling up.