DIARIES OF A GURL IN LOVE by Mercy Dayil

EPISODE 4

As Jeff stood up, putting on his shirt and zipping his trouser with a triumphant look on his face, Suzan lay on the carpet of the floor in the parlor. Her face was drenched with tears and sweat, her trouser too, drenched in her sweat, tears and blood.

Suzan had cried so much that she couldn’t cry any longer, her voice was lost, all she could do was lay back and flash back at the memories of her relationship, how it all began, how she met this handsome demon.

It was a cold Saturday morning, she was lying lazily on Lynette's bed as she was spending that weekend in the hostel. She had picked her phone and turned on her data, of course she went straight to Facebook, saw a friend request and decided to check on the person's profile. It was Jeffery Kalu, gosh he had the cutest face she has ever seen, his pictures told her everything she needed to know, his physique, the packs, the hair, he practically looked like an angel, she immediately accepted the friend request, a message popped up, it was Jeff saying hello as if he was waiting for her to accept the request.

They chatted and talked on Facebook, Imo, Whatsapp, everywhere, every minute of every day until the mishap; the day Jeff raped her.

She tried picturing all the events and happenings that occurred during the period of dating Jeff to find out if he gave her some clues about being a rapist or so. She wanted to check if she did anything that gave him the opportunity to do this wicked act, if she was just blind not to have noticed his intensions from the beginning or if she was just stupid to have fallen in love like that and to give her heart and trust so easily. She felt hurt, betrayed, stupid, naive, angry and mad at Jeff and at herself, she kept going over and over feeling bad for herself and crying till she fell asleep.

Suzan woke up the next day feeling sore and tired. She tried to push away yesterday's thought but it was difficult. She cleaned up all the mess and got ready for school, Lynette noticed her friend was not looking okay, she tried finding out what was wrong but Suzan said she was okay, Lynette didn’t want to push further as she knew her friend, whatever it is, she was gonna hint her on it whenever she was ready.

Suzan kept this secret so bad that it was eating her up, she was scared of being pregnant, she was scared of the stigma that might follow her, she feared people will blame her for inviting him over to her home when she knew she was all alone, she couldn’t bear the pain of telling her best friend that the cute, loving and romantic prince charming of hers was a rapist, so she just told Lynette she broke up with Jeff because he was a jerk.

Two months later, Suzan got a mail. It was Jeff; she couldn’t believe the demon had some nerve writing her, she was so angry she couldn’t open it and read. Lynette convinced her to read it saying maybe he realized he made a mistake and was sorry or maybe he felt bad about how things ended or maybe he wanted her back. But she was in the dark, she didn’t know about the rape, she thought it was just a break up and felt Suzan should forgive Jeff and let go.

After much persuasion, Suzan read the mail. Jeff apologized for being a selfish son of a b****, he confessed and told her what really brought him to Nigeria. He told her he had never felt guilty after the 4 rape episodes he had had, till her case and he could no longer keep it to himself.  After he had told his mom, she advised him to apologize even if Suzan won’t accept the apology.

He confessed falling in love with her, he promised to keep emailing her even if she won’t open or read them. He told her how she had changed him, she had made him a better person. He felt there wasn’t need for him to rape girls again, he felt disgusted at himself. He was really sorry, he just wanted an opportunity to start all over again, especially with her.

Suzan cried after reading it, she was still angry at Jeff. How could he say he still loved her, how would he toy with her heart?  She trusted him more than she had loved him but he threw her love and trust to the dogs. She felt she could never forgive him though she still loved him, she had become so scared that the slightest touch from someone, male or female got her startled, she had shut out her male friends, had almost stopped eating, felt miserable all thanks to Jeff, no she could not forgive him.

She deleted the mail, blocked him on Facebook, deleted his number and deleted all the pictures they had taken together on her phone. He had his chance, he lost it.

Watch out for part 2