Booty poppin... So much booty poppin.
now, i know what you're thinking... why fig newtons?
WELL LET ME JUST TELL YOU! THEY ARE THE BOMB DIGGITY.
Reese was witherspoon, now shes withoutherspoon since she had to set down her spoon because the figs were just to amazing.
I would walk a thousand miles to be with the figs. They are so majestic, and i would be nothing without them.
Kevin Jonas eats them.. I think...which makes them 10x cooler.
When you walk on by, they cry, from all the lag, in yo swag.
Whenever you see Susan Boyle, think of the figs.
Obama, be twerk,twerk,twerk,twerk,twerkinggggg for them.
And shake,shake,shake,shake,shakingggg dat ass.
You know when boots and dora are walking asking you where are they are going.
Boots be lookin at dat ass.
Because it looks like fig newtons.
Then when dora notices she turns and yells at boots, boots says.. You mad? OR NAHHHHH?
Anyways...
How do you feel about the figs?
Do you have a connection with them?
Because you gotta drop it,drop it, low gurllll.
Then the fig newtons will join in, and find happiness in the droping and lowering.
When the pimps in the crib mahh drop it like its hot, drop them fig newtons like its hot.
When the figs get an attitude, pop it like its hot, drop it like its hot.
But dont let it get to hot, because then they will get to warm, and then you gotta buy them a boat
Anyways...
My friend goober, ak goob. Has been researching the magnificence of the history of the fig newtons. She thinks they're a magnificent piece of history, and they are amazing. Thank you america
Call 1-800-save-the-figs
Because they're in danger. They are in need of your love. They are waiting. A thousand fig newtons are abandoned everyday. You can save them, you can make them feel like someone cares. Be the hero, and call the number today.
Some quotes from the fans of the figgiest of figs...
Olaf says- "figs are the secret to life."
Macaroon says- "i dropped my fig newton and washed it away with my tears."
Fig newton savior says- "the fig newton tangled my taste buds, like a beast tasting my finger."
Macaroon says- "the world is like a bowl of granola, except, fig newtons." (My favorite fig quote)
Little red riding hood- "the magic of the fig newton comes from its majestic figgy like paste."
Macaroon says- "janitors do not pick up fig newtons"
Macaroon says- "fig newtons are the knees of the ecosystem."
Olaf says- "Amie's hair looks like fig newtons flowing in the wind."
Fig newton savior says- "the fig newton wanted me to eat it so much it wanted me to eat it."
Goober- "fig newtons are gods favorite food."
Swag master swaggy swag man says- "when the figs in the newton, drop it like its hot, drop it like its hot, drop it like its hot."
The bitch- "the figs are in your newtons... If you know what i mean;)"
Caroline says- "shut the fuck up."
Macaroon says- " fig newtons are like that one guy with the dreamy eyes who liked puppies, has a good sense of humor, buys you chocolate ice cream" (has a seven figure anual income)
Little red riding hood- "once i touched the butt and then fisherman took me to the dentist and put me in a tank for darla to get me. Then my dad and his friend rode a bird into the dentist and saved me and then i saw a fig newton and i was all like shit girl das my jam lemme get a piece of dat and then i went to the ocean"
ANYWAYS.... Done with quotes.
Bill Cosby is a thug cause he has seen a fig newton.
I have always wanted to stand next to a fig tree. I heard they are very majestic, and are like doctors droppin it low gurl.
Never play Pokemon while eating fig newtons... Ohhh myyyy gahhh.. Bad combo.
Not that i would know... Geez. Im not that big of a dork.. Pshh.
Fig newtons.
I put the tons in newtons
Did that make sense?
Well corn crowing from a rainbow doesnt, so go along with it.
Haterzzzz hatin on DAAAA FIGZZZZ
👳puneet eats fig newtons and twerks while watching oprah.
Wait that reminds me...
The reason josh ran over oprah is because he was so distracted on fig newtons, he ran her over.
OH HELLL NO - oprah
Baboons eat grapes. Or corn.. Whatever idgaf
I think we shall all gather together and throw a fig newton at Ron Wheesly
Agreed?
Hopefully you are wanting a fig newton right now,
YEEE DOGGIES I WANT A FIG NEWTON MILES. DANG FLABBIT. -billy ray cyrus
F
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Can this get a prize for best book of all time?
It will go in the fig newton section of walgreens. Then Obama and Michelle are bringing da bill Cosby to drop it low while makin it rain.
Did i really just say that?
.......
OH BUTTER NEWTONS!
Anus.
All i want for my birthday... Is a big booty ho -obama
