The Fault in Our Stars ALTERNATE ENDING
By John Green
THIS IS JUST A FANFIC. AND BY THE WAY ITS REALLY SAD.
Six and a half months. It's been six and a half months since an incredible young man didn't leave his mark on the world. But he left his mark on me. And he knows it.
Every day I wake up. Think of Augustus. Let my mom help me unhook myself from Phillip(my biPAP). Hook myself up to my portable oxygen tank. Think of Augustus. Walk into the bathroom and try to mask the sadness on my face(or should I say fail to mask the sadness on my face). Think of Augustus. So on and so forth. In other words, life sucks.
A few weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to catch my breath. I felt as if I was drowning from the inside out. I managed to make enough noise to alert my mom, who of course immediately sprang into action. We rushed to the E.R. as an relentless ache spread from my chest and branched out all over my body. I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. I was wondering how I was even conscious at that point, though I would've much preferred not to be.
We made it to the hospital and the nurse asked me about my pain on a scale of one to ten. I got to use the ten I had been saving for so long.
I eventually went unconscious (thank God) and awoke to a doctor I didn't recognize giving me a grave look, like I was some kind of injured puppy or something.
"Hello, Hazel," she said. "How are you feeling?"
I just stared at her. What a ridiculous question. I still ached, though not as badly, and the ominous feeling of drowning lingered in my chest. How was I feeling? I was feeling angry. Mad at the world, mad at everyone.
"We have some bad news," she continued after she realized I wasn't going to respond. "The mets in your lungs have started to grow. I'm not sure how to tell you this, but you don't have many days left." She glanced around, averting my eyes. "I'm so sorry."
I shut my eyes. I can't say that I was extremely unhappy. To tell you the truth, I was almost glad. I needed to get away from the pain, to forget about my miserable life. I needed to find out what comes next, if anything.
My parents rushed in the room after the doctor left and poured over me, sobbing and holding onto me as if their lives depended on it. Which I guess they kind if did. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry too.
I wasn't sure what to say to them so I stayed silent, tasting the salty tears that seeped into my mouth. I had approximately two weeks. If I was lucky.
The hospital let me return home to live out the remainder of my days in a more pleasant place. These days have been drenched with the tears of my parents and myself.
After a week or so, the burning in my lungs became unbearable. I felt as if I was inhaling fire and exhaling smoke. I just wanted it to be over.
Then it came. My Last Day. I don't recall ever having a Last Good Day. All I recall is the medication snaking through a tube that led into my fore arm.
I woke up and looked across my room at my mother, who had resorted to sleeping in a chair in my room since they told us the bad news. I smiled at her. She looked so peaceful, as if she didn't have a dying child to worry about. If only that were true.
I tried to sit up but was overcome by a wave of nausea and pain. It took every ounce of my willpower not to vomit.
I couldn't speak, my throat felt as dry as the Sahara. I had knock a glass of water off my nightstand to wake up my mother.
She jolted awake at the thunk the glass made when it hit the carpet and looked around frantically. Her eyes finally rested on me. I looked at her with a look that said "it's time," and she knew exactly what was happening. Tear poured down her cheeks as she called for my dad and came and laid down next to me. He rushed in, already crying, and joined us on my bed. And we sat there in each other's embrace for what felt like hours. I would've been much for grateful for the time with them if it weren't for my chest, which felt as if a volcano was beginning to erupt. I could hardly breath even with the help of Phillip, but I tried to hold on as long as possible.
Then it happened. The volcano exploded and I felt a shock go through my body.
"I love you," I managed to say through the fire in my throat. My parents sobbed and told me how much they loved me, but they didn't have to say it. I already knew.
An enormous chill crept through my limbs, but the aching was gone. I felt as if I was falling into a deep, pleasant sleep. I watched my parents holding on to me and each other. Then I simply slipped away.
• • • • • •
My eyes were almost scorched out of their sockets as a bright light over took me. After adjusting to the sudden glare I turned my head to scan my surroundings. I was in the Literal Heart of Jesus.
I was too surprised to speak. The snack table and the chairs were gone. Other than that it looked the same, except it was much brighter and almost glowing a soft, pulsing light.
Then I breathed in. I was taken aback at the sudden ease of the air entering my lungs, then escaping. I touched my nose. The cannula was gone. I took another breath, letting the air flood my lungs. After so many years of trying to ignore the feeling of not being able to catch my breath, my lungs actually felt...satisfied. They were finally doing their job.
I was relishing in the feeling of air happily entering my body when I heard a shuffle of footsteps. I spun around faster than I could've moved in years, and my body didn't protest. My eyes hungrily ate up the room, searching for the source of the noise. Then I saw him.
The elevator doors had opened and a figure had stepped out and stood there, watching me. Every muscle, bone, and organ in my body screamed out his name.
Augustus.
"Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?" He said in that sexy voice I had fallen in love with. I stumbled forward, tripping on my own feet. I needed to get to to him. He was only a few feet away, but the distance was too much. I caught my balance and collided with him, knocking us both off balance and resulting in us sitting on the floor, entangled in each other. I was kissing him desperately, clutching his shirt to make sure he couldn't get away from me again.
"Don't you dare ever even think about leaving me again," I said between breaths. "Please."
He pulled away from me and looked into my eyes, smiling his crooked grin. "I'm never leaving you. Ever. Okay?"
I was surprised to find a steady stream of tears pouring down my cheeks. I smiled.
"Okay."
