scintilla | daniel howell

s i x t y

her hand dropped.

and she faced me.

imedialty stepping on her tip toes

she reached up

and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek.

it was soft.

delicate.

loving.

"i love you, daniel"

her words echoed around in my brain

repeating themselves over and over and over again.

it forced a huge smile to creep onto my lips.

"but you need to stop trusting me. you can't change what's already cemented."

what!?

i couldn't think.

i didn't have time.

that was her plan.

she'd already run off.

down the bridge

along the dirt path.

i followed her,

of course.

i didn't want her doing anything stupid.

she can't leave.

i refuse to let her.

she can't leave me.

my legs ached.

i didn't know where i was running.

heck i didn't even know where she went.

i lost her.

but i wasn't going to lose her forever.

i couldn't.

i can't.

i kept going aimlessly running around looking for her

looking for any trace of her.

and then

there she was.

below the bridge

i'd known to be four miles

away from where we first started.

where i thought she was happy

it must be about two am by now.

and she lay there

floating.

down the shallow river.

she jumped.

she must have jumped.

the bride was high enough.

i couldn't stop myself.

i didn't want to to.

i let the tears scorch my cheeks.

running down and onto my chin.

past my neck.

craddleing her in my arms

holding her

felt surreal.

i'd never hear her voice again.

how it soothed me.

how it calmed my nerves.

i screamed.

i let it out.

what was the point in keeping it in?

fumbling at my phone

my shaking hands dialed 999 as my voice, through sobs, spoke to the woman on the other end.

sierens in the distance grew

and became deafening.

time had slowed down

mumbling voices mixed together

blurred faces fused into hazy shapes.

i caught a glimpse of her face one last time before she was hurried into the ambulance.

cold.

empty.

the light was quickly fading

into darkness.

she was a scintilla of hope

for the world

for me.

i needed her.

she was my hope.

but she chose this

and who am i to tell her that she needed to stay?

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