Closet Doors And Bathroom Floors

For O.W: The Ride Home

I was walking alone one night,
Along a dark road I thought I knew, in a place I thought I loved.

I didn't expect to come across you, you pulled up beside me, a beautiful smile that spoke beautiful lies.

Maybe it was your blue eyes that could bring in the tides or how you knew what to say to me to make me melt.
I asked for a ride home, you said no and offered me a new one. I got in, clearly I was just blind.

You said:

'it'll take a while to get there baby but I promise you when we get there, our life will start, we can leave everything behind'

And I said:

'What if I don't like it? What if the floors shakeand the beds creek?'

You said:

'Then Ill make your body scream loud enough to silence your thoughts and drown out what everyone tells you.
I'll dry your eyes and make your skin quiver, I'll be your first and your last. You'll be begging for me to never stop, you'll be addicted to me and will forever be in service to me but you'll be my equal and we will built this world together'

I asked about the other girls you had said that too but only fulfilled the physical sides of things, used their bodies as playgrounds and their feelings like punching bags.
Naturally, you lied and told me that I was the first you'd said it and meant it. I chose to believe you because I loved you and you was everything my family wanted me to have and you was everything I needed.

Every time the car broke down down, I'd get out and fix it the best I could but my efforts were always torn apart and wrecked in the same way other girls had been. I tried my hardest to ignore how many times and how many girls attempted to fix you in the way I did. The only difference between them and me is, I didn't know what I was doing. I'd say the wrong thing at the wrong time, make you out to be the bad guy, guilt trip you, manipulate you.

But baby, your tyres were worn, it made me wonder how many other girls you'd taken on the same route as me.

In return, you filled my head with contaminated thoughts, kissed me with contaminated lips and touched me with contaminated hands.

Pulled my hair back and bound my hands, so I would never want to touch anyone but you and even if I ever did, I'd never be able to.

When I could see your promises starting to crumble, you broke down again, blamed it on being unwell in the head and worn tyres.

That's when I finally realised, what happened to the girls you took down the same road.

I opened up the car boot and found all the girls who had died waiting for you or the girls who had died trying to fix you.

There was Ellie who starved to death at the dinner table, waiting for you to turn up.

Megan who's head you filled with so many lies that she went crazy and she had to put herself down.

Tilly who's heart you stopped by holding her for too long and let them letting her go when you had only just been able to gain her trust.

For these girls and the many more, you were their first and their last. They trusted you and loved you in the same way I did and were just as foolish as me.

I said:

'Am I joining them?'

You said:

'No, you can go. But you will harbour my guilt for me, you will bend and beg on your knees, praying to God you'd kept me. You'll cry all night and sleep all day and wonder what you did wrong. I'll move on as soon as you turn your back on me but I can't say the same for you'

You closed the car boot, got back in and drove off, on to the next one... and ever since then, I wished you would have killed me.