Aventures (Ryden)

23- Soundchecks

{A.N.: OMGOMGOMGOMG I'M SO SORRY!! I haven't updated in forever omg ily okay D:}

Brendon's Point Of View (well well, aren't you lucky huh)

March 1st. First day of this tour. I still don't know what to expect. I mean, I'm glad my old band is back together but... I'm scared.

I'm scared the fans will hate it, I'm scared Spencer will get back to his old habbits, I'm scared something will go wrong...

I'm scared Ryan will leave me, for Lord's sake.

I'm scared I'll fall for him. I'm scared I'll hurt him. I'm scared he'll hurt me. I'm scared he decides to leave, I'm scared he won't love me back.

For the first time since I walked into Ryan at this fucking music shop, I was truly, deeply scared.

"Bren? You zoned out," Ryan said, poking my shoulder.

"Really? Sorry. Time for soundcheck?"

"Yeah. You coming?"

"Yeah. I'll meet you at the venue, let me just change my shirt," I said, walking to my bunk.

"Oh, I'll wait for you. Jon and Spencer are already practicing the songs, they won't mind."

"Okay then."

He smiled and sat on his bunk, beside mine. I took my shirt off and started going through my suitcase to find another one. Ryan smirked at the sight of my bare chest and I just blushed, turning around.

"You know you don't have to put that shirt back on right now. You can just... Let me help you take the rest off and let Spencer and Jon wait a little more," he suggested, standing up before putting his arms around my chest.

"Not now, Ryan. This is our first soundcheck, our first show. We're already late, I really think we should get going. Tonight, Zack's taking us to this huge party in some random club. I can just fake a headache and you could leave the party without anyone noticing. What do you think?"

"Sounds perfect," he smirked. "Now, let's go," he added, once I had my clean shirt on.

He walked to the front of the bus, but I stopped him before he could open the door.

"Bren, what's wr-"

"I love you."

I stopped breathing somewhere around here.

"I love you too, Brendon, but I really don't see what's the po-"

"No, Ryan. I love you. I don't only like you as a good friend o-or, love having casual sex with you, or only like living in the same house as you. I love you. I love lying in bed with you. I love you kissing me when you wake me up in the morning. I love- not having sex- but making love to you. I love the feeling of your skin against mine, the feeling of your hand holding mine, I love how you insisted on coming on tour with us, even though I know you hate touring. I love you, Ryan. And I don't want you to spend one more day on this Earth without knowing that I love you more than you could ever imagine and-and not knowing what will come after this tour is literally killing me, and even though I know it's for the best, I really can't wait to be done with this tour. Even though I'm scared of what could happen during the next month, I just hope..." I paused.

What exactly did I hope?

"I just hope you won't go. I hope nothing will change even though I know things will change. I'm not expecting you to feel the same, I mean, even I am scared of what will happen after this tour. I'm not expecting you to come back to Vegas with me. I'm not expecting you to move in with me. I'd understand if you didn't want to talk to me at all after this but- Jesus, I really hope you don't though- but I'd truly understand if you did decide to just leave."

He was staring at me, speechless.

"But I need you to know that I want you by my side, Ryan. I want to share every moment with you, I-I just want to be yours and to call you mine, I... I'm just simply and madly in love with you."

Ryan stood there, in shock. I couldn't quite figure out what the look on his face meant.

Surprise?

Disapointment?

Anger?

Joy?

"Fucking Hell, Ryan, say something," I begged.

"I... I'm just speechless. It's just... Jesus Christ, Brendon. I- I didn't expect that coming from you, I... " He paused.

Say something!

"We should go, the boys are waiting," he said, turning to the door.

Really?!

"I... We'll talk about this tonight okay? Tonight, I promise," he added before taking my hand.

"Uh-Okay. Yeah, tonight."