people look at him, and this is what they see.
a big tall kid, with hazel eyes and brown hair. they see a smile and a laugh, but they don't see the pain behind his eyes. they see the false smile put up to hide his insecurities, and they hear the laugh he uses to hide his pain.
when he first came to this town, he was hurt. his ribs were broken, his shoulder out of place, his hands broken and shattered. he was sad, alone and afraid. his family knew nothing about the pain he was in, or his torment from his demons within. he went to school, shut in and alone, and on his first day, he laid eyes on a beautiful girl. to others she was ugly, but to him, she was beautiful. he was afraid though. he has already been broken before, and he was so afraid of being broken again he repressed these feelings. he found another plain and simple. he felt she would hurt him, and he got with her instead. over a year, his hurt faded, but never disappeared.
the girl he say on the first day continued to trouble him, because his feelings had deepened, as had their friendship. he knew he felt something, but the fear pushed it away. he realized he wasn't in love with the first, and after some months, finally left. he now knew the first girl had feelings, maybe even loved him. so in an effort to be with her, he dispelled his fear. he cut for the first time in years, the blood flowing down his back taking all of his fears with them. he cut enough to instill in him this: don't open up, you'll just get shattered again. he asked her to be his, and when she said yes, he was happy. he didn't tell her about his biggest problems. how he blamed himself for his grandparents death. how he blamed himself for his sister….how he couldn't protect her when she needed it. why he constantly worked out. why even though she hated it, he was so protective.he didn't tell her about the blood on his hands
time went on, and she helped his pain fade away. she helped him accept things. she helped fix him piece him back together. he was happy….but one day, about a week ago, she told him she didn't feel the same, and that it would be best if they broke up….he did his best to hide his pain, but inside he shattered worse than before. he stopped feeling, and he thought of the promise he had made himself. she blamed herself, but the truth is, it was never her. it was him. everything she ever told him and helped him with came rushing back worse than before, and he felt like everyone had treated him all his life: a monster. he gave up on love, he gave up on himself. that night, he stewed in those feelings, and realized that he was unlovable, truly a beast that no one could love.
the next day, she broke down, and the monster he had become felt like death. that night they talked , and she wanted him back. he said yes, and some of those feelings disappeared. but he still felt like a monster, a beast. he never stopped loving her, but he was afraid. he was afraid of losing her, afraid of being destroyed. things seemed to get better. but she didn't know that since that night, he hadnt slept more than 2 or 3 hours. that his sleep was plagued by the worst of nightmares. he does his best to keep her happy, but when something happens, he is afraid that she will leave again. he takes it in stride, and hides it. she doesnt know about any of it. nor will she ever. he hides his fears in hopes that she will piece him together again. but deep down….he is and always will be a monster
