Yours ➳ D. Sprayberry [3.1]

➳ 52

Moony never paid much attention to her feelings. She was prone to overthinking, and thus giving herself a massive headache that really just wasn't worth it, so she tended not to think about her feelings at all. When Dylan ignored her for all those months nearly a year and a half ago, from November 2018 to the March of the following year, she tried not to dwell too much on the pain that blossomed in her chest every time someone said his name— even if it wasn't him they were talking about, but rather the Dylan her sister was married to. She tried not to think about how desperately she missed him, or how her bed somehow seemed colder without him spending hours lying there in the middle of the day, despite the fact that her boyfriend was there instead, succeeding in filling in the empty spaces even for the shortest amount of times.

             She had just missed her friend, that's all— that's what possessed her to turn up at his Mother's house in the middle of the night, demanding that she talk some sense into her son — who, might she add, was hiding in the kitchen of his Mom's house, as if believing that Moony wouldn't look for him there —. It's what possessed her to spend hours sitting on the door step, waiting for him to come out and talk to her. She hated losing friends. That was it.

            When she started developing feelings for Benjamin, she tried not to dwell on it too much. But, eventually, they fell together, slotted against each other and suddenly they were Benmoony instead of Ben and Moony, or Moony and Ben. One person, a couple, instead of the two they had always been. It was a strange transition, made even stranger by the fact that her best friend had dropped her as suddenly as a hot plate. She remembered thinking, briefly, that the two events were directly correlated— that being with Ben would cost Dylan. She had almost broken up with Ben the moment that thought flitted across her mind. She had hoped that it would bring Dylan back to her. Then the headache started, so she just... let it go.

            And then Dylan... her best friend, Dylan; the boy she never knew she needed in her life, but simultaneously the one she'd never let go of, not again, Dylan. He'd told her he was in love with her, but she was with Ben— her other best friend. The boy she'd grown up with, and loving him was a lot safer than falling in love with Dylan. And she realised, now, that maybe her love for him had always been that. Safe. The easy option— and she did love him, don't get her wrong. It's just... she didn't love him now. Not after nearly two years of dating. Not as he got down on one knee, holding a ring towards her, and wearing a hopeful expression, mixed with poorly concealed anticipation.

             "I can't," she said, after the silence stretched across minutes, growing more and more uncomfortable with each passing second. Ben's expression dropped, his eyebrows drawing together as his gaze moved to the floor.

              "Why not?" He asked, but his voice held no malice. Just sadness. And for a moment, Moony considered taking her words back— considered saying 'yes', considered spending the rest of her life with Benjamin Wilcox. And boy, did she want to spend her life with him at her side. Just... not like this.

              "I don't think... I'm not—."

              "Ah," he said, pocketing the ring and pushing himself onto his feet. "Dylan."

              "What about Dylan?" Moony frowned. Had she mentioned his name at all during this whole ordeal? She didn't think so— and surely then, it would have been a mistake. What did Dylan have to do with any of this?

             "You're in love with him." Ben said, flashing her a weak smile. "I guess I've known for a while," he lifted a hand to scratch the back of his neck, "I just hoped I was seeing things that weren't there."

            "I'm not in love with him."

            "Who are you trying to convince, Luna?" He asked, letting out a half-hearted chuckle. "Because I don't think you're trying to convince me. You're trying to convince yourself."

             "Ben..."

            "Don't say it, Moony." He shrugged, "Come on. It's getting dark. How about we order a pizza, put on a movie, and ignore the blatantly obvious feelings you have for Dylan Sprayberry?"

            "I'm sorry, Ben."

            "Don't apologise for not loving me, Moony. You can't control how you feel."

---

I love Ben tbh.

But, alas, benmoony have broken up :o