Nobodys

Part title

Everything started in the 9th grade. First year of high school, expectations were high, as most of the students in my school. I went to a prestigious school, kids full of money and that was perfect for doing every bad thing money could buy. I remember a song "Super rich kids" by Frank Ocean and we all could relate. It was an ocean of lies and fake smiles. We met at parties, we drank, we did drugs, nothing hard went in my system besides weed.
In my class, I knew almost no one, except a girl I went to kindergarten with and she became one of my friends later that year. To understand how I became friends with the people I still am friends even to this day, some unfortunate things had to happen.
Around November that year I liked this guy, he wasn't super handsome or anything, he was let's say a 7, but... he was that bad guy every teenager needed to have. He smoked, he drank, he did drugs, so he was perfect for my rebellious soul. I started going out with his crowd and it was a very very bad decision. I can't remember exactly how I met my friend, Jas, who was also a novice at this lifestyle. We became friends and did every shit we could together. I did it because I wanted him to like me, her motives were unclear at the time. I was drunk every weekend, made out with him, and after the alcohol in our system went out, we did it again. We partied like animals, I can't say I didn't like it though. The first time I smoked weed was with them. I was a little afraid to do it, but I got over it soon enough. We were 5 people at the beginning and went behind some buildings in my hometown, a girl we knew brought some weed from her brother who was a well known personality in the magical world of 420. To be honest I was expecting a lot more, like dragons flying in my face, trees dancing, stuff like that, I was 15 so how would I know better. They told me that I have to keep the smoke in me in order to get high for like 10 seconds, so I did. When I felt a bit dizzy I decided that that was the feeling I was aiming at so in my head I immediately marked the "get high" from my bucket list. That night is kind of a blur in my mind. I remember we walked a while till we got to the city center and bought some Doritos and Sprite and had a very fancy late dinner. After that I can't remember what happend, nothing spicy I can assure you of that otherwise I would remember. The week after that we didn't go to school at all, very good decision, didn't go to my chemistry final (that was a very good decision). Anyway, I still remember how that Friday Jas came with us for her first "getting high" experience, by the way she was 1 year older than me. I procured the marijuana from an old friend, and went in the most obscure, shady place there is on earth were maybe only hobos would go. It was behind a park, huge water pipes near us, we sat on them and began our journey to the other world. After we smoked, my phone rang, guess who? My dad. Yup, they found out I wasn't at school that week, and told me to go home. So I did. You know what I like about being on drugs (not that I encourage them)? The feeling of not being present. You are a nobody but a happy nobody, that's what I am like, amazing. I was so unconscious that I didn't fully understand what just happend, I went home and took a nap. Only after I woke up I realized in how big of a mess I have gotten myself into. My parents were never very implicated in my life, the usual behavior of parents who make more money, they were only working, not very into mine nor my brothers life. They also found out I smoked weed, and to my surprise, the punishment wasn't that hard, they only took my phone for around 2 days. I have to say that maybe if their punishments were more harsh, maybe, just maybe, I would not be this way, here, telling stories from my fucked up life.
I thought myself to be different, to not care, to not get involved in something serious so I would not lose the idea I had created to be MYSELF. I am still young, I am still founding myself. I have dreams and passions I am not ready to share with anyone. I always ask myself why am I like this. Why can't I get deeper than casual stuff with people. I am not mediocre, I can express ideas and thoughts not everybody can. Of course everyone likes to think high about themselves, to make their shitty life better than it actually is. I am like that. I always try to make it look better. I know I am not what every parent is dreaming of, who everybody's willing to be friends with, I am not lots of things. But know as I write this, I think why does it all have to be negative in my mind? So right now, right here, I am making a pact with myself that I will say a good thing every now and then. Just so I would believe I am better than I am.