a message to Tina Belcher

tightrope - xxxtentacion

sometimes you find yourself swimming in something that you don't even know. you cannon ball straight into this pool, thinking you would be surrounded with cold water, having the feeling of having everything move with you and your every movement. you push up, moving slowly toward surface, expecting to be met with fresh air but instead, you're sinking, swallowing what you thought was air only to be left gasping for it. standing in your tippy toes, chin held held high, chest rising and falling at paces unbelievable. swallowing made a struggle, adam's apple stuck in place, bobbing slightly as you force your eyes shut and grunt, trying with all your might to force your throat open and closed in a useless effort to gulp down and push the words you wanted to say out of your mouth. thoughts racing and toes curling as you struggle in this ever sinking quick sand, knowing you can't move otherwise you'll just sink further but knowing that if you don't move, you may never get out; or should i say, knowing that you should say something when you still have a chance otherwise you may never get to but knowing that if you do say something, you risk everything.

and it's scary. it's scary when you know you can't do anything and it's scary when you want so badly to do something knowing that there would be so many repercussions and it's scary to even think of the many possible endings that this story could have but at the same time, do we really have any choice? any choice other than to brave through it, one step at a time. no. we don't.

so, find something solid to hold onto. the reason you're sinking is because you have no solid ground beneath you, every movement makes it fall further, so you need to find something that is solid and get out. grab that solid thing and pull, pull yourself up and be free.

all of this is just one big analogy for that moment when you get into a situation that leaves you scared and paranoid and lonely, helpless, and finding that one thing or person to help you through it, hold your hand and be your friend - keep you from sinking. but sometimes the people who need it most, don't get it. they don't find that solid object and never get solid ground beneath their feet and they just keep sinking and sinking until there's nothing left of them other than their twitching finger tips that stick up out of this quick sand and they breath their last breaths, nothing left but a memory of them and bull shit worthless words that leave people's mouths and they pretend to know what was going on, as if they even understood. but we all know that they didn't, otherwise they would've given the person sinking that much needed solid object.

this is a message to Tina Belcher.