A Bride for 100 Days

thirty-one: kiss, marry, kill

"They still expect me," I nodded. "And we're still getting divorced that day, right?"

"Yes. But Alice..."  He pulled out a chair and sat facing me. "The divorce is not a break up. I want you to stay."

"How?"

His eyes were the blue-green of a tropical ocean and his expression was patient. "As my girlfriend. As someone I have a future with."

"Thank you," I knew that he was trying. That getting serious with someone after just a couple of months would normally be a huge thing to do. But how do you go back from being married? How do step down and admit - I'm not really your wife, that I'm not really Levi's mom?

"So stay," Jeb urged, his jaw tight with frustration. "I don't understand, Alice. If you can't bear the divorce then how can you bear to go halfway around the world? Is this some kind of punishment?"

"God, No! I'm not that petty. At least I hope not?! This is a serious trip, you know? There's a real need for qualified volunteers."

"So now you're saying I'm petty for wanting you to stay?"

"I didn't say that."

"There are reasons for the divorce," Jeb argued. "Good ones. Levi's adoption. And your trust! We rushed into things and you have no protection for it."

"Do I need protection?" I searched his eyes. "Do you doubt how I feel about Levi?"

"Alice...it's not about feelings."

"But you can't discount them, either! After everything this summer, I'm losing something that's become precious and it hurts, Jeb. "

"Exactly, so why be apart? I can't stand the thought of you leaving!"

"Oh, Jeb." If we kept talking I was going to say something I regretted, so I stood up and walked away. 

I took myself back to the bedroom that I'd been using and curled up in a ball. I stayed like that until I heard the birds began to sing and slightest light edged into the night sky - when I finally, fitfully, fell asleep. 

A few hours later, I woke up to Jeb cooking breakfast. I looked like a raccoon, I felt like roadkill. But I showered and dressed and padded out to the great room.

He wished me a good morning and Levi slammed on his highchair tray with excitement to see me. We ate with Levi, talking about the current temperatures (hot) and the weather forecast (damn hot) and Jeb's decision to go back to New York with Marco and Maggie and the kids on Sunday night and supervise the foundation pour. 

"It's really going to happen?"

He nodded. "Finally. The guy who's gonna replace me on site, Royal, has got maybe a week left on his current project so it's coming together." 

This was the Jeb I loved. The guy who never carried last night's argument into the next breakfast. The guy who kissed the top of my head and wished me good morning and made me coffee although he didn't really drink much himself. The guy whose smile made my heart buzz inside. 

I drove Levi and a different bodyguard to school and spent part of the day doing the art supply inventory for the new school year, trying not to wince when I remembered that it wouldn't be me using them. 

That night, after brushing my teeth and putting on pajamas, I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a long time. I liked my eyes and my hairline. I wished my neck was longer. I wished I had more of a waist. 

I wished Jeb would be standing at my door ready to sweep me up into his arms. 

Before I could talk myself out of it, I crossed over to his room. He saw me coming and met me by the sofa, kissing me suddenly, deeply. We made love without words.