"Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side."
"Love is a disadvantage."
You've always agreed with Sherlock when it came to his theories about love.
You never thought love was important, and you most definitely did not believe in it.
That was before you began to feel more strongly about the consulting detective.
Before your stomach fluttered at just the mention of his name.
You thought no one could ever change your mind.
You were so focused on being alone. Not letting people in. Pushing people away. All to avoid the pain that was bound to come.
You built your walls so high. So high, you were sure no one could ever break them down.
But then came Sherlock and before you knew it, you found yourself growing attached.
You found yourself smiling brightly at him when he made a deduction, nice or rude, necessary or unnecessary.
You found yourself constantly wondering if he was okay, or if he has gotten back into drugs.
You found yourself struggling not to smash your lips to his at the most inappropriate times.
You found yourself loving Sherlock Holmes.
It confused you how someone could break down your walls as quickly as he did. Especially since he was most likely not even trying.
You tried to deny it, but you were only lying to yourself.
So here you were, laying in bed at one in the morning, wondering how in the world someone managed to get past the wall that took you so long to build.
He already knew of your feelings for him, you were sure of it.
You were sure he knew about it even before you did.
But he never called you out about it or tried to talk about the matter.
He simply ignored it.
Maybe it's better that way.
He doesn't acknowledge your feelings, and you highly doubt they're reciprocated.
But there's something in the way he acts towards you that gives you just a spark of hope.
Maybe the way he looks at you with something no one's ever seen him look at something besides a new case after a hiatus.
Maybe it's the way he worries about you when you don't check in for a while.
Maybe it's the way he's so protective of you, his hand always at the small of your back.
Or maybe it was the way his eyes dilated when you touched his hand earlier today.
But you knew this wasn't possible.
Sherlock Holmes does not love.
You couldn't blame him, why would he?
Love really is just a disadvantage.
You were living proof.
You can't function anymore because of him.
You can't go a day without thinking about him.
You're always filled with such longing for him that you know will never be fulfilled.
You were giving in and letting yourself fall in love with him.
You were growing attached.
You were breaking your walls down for him, letting him in.
You were almost on the losing side.
You sighed as you came to a realization.
You are on the losing side, because you feel sentiment;
a chemical defect found on the losing side.
