hollyweird </3

two

my friends realized i was drowning before i realized i was drowning. they figured out that you were holding my head underwater before i realized i couldn't breathe.

you talked sweetly to me and made me feel good about myself, but were killing me at the same time. you led me on and whispered to me, telling me how to swim, then you threw me in and wished me luck.

i panicked when i realized. i knew you were no good for me; that you were absolutely toxic. i tried swimming to the surface for air; so that i could breathe.

i couldn't, somehow i couldn't manage to find a way out. by the time i had tried every possible method of escape, i had learned how to breathe underwater.

so for a while, i did. i breathed underwater, beating myself up constantly for letting you take it this far; for letting me take it this far.

i noticed you've been distant or less talkative, or maybe just as ruthless as usual; so i looked around on my own.

while you had let go of my head, while you had stopped holding me under, i peeked above the water. i stopped thrashing long enough to realize that not only was i being held under, but you were tying rocks to my feet.

you wanted me to drown, you didn't want me to fight. you're killing me the same way i'm killing myself; slowly and painfully. you want me to suffer.

i'm so sick of water. i'm so sick of trying to swim, or trying not to drown; i'm tired of fighting for my life. especially against you.

you promised me a forever i found impossible; i've realized how right i was in light of what you've done.

now, though, i can't go back up. i can only continue drowning. you've tied entire boulders to my feet. i can't swim, i can't breathe, i can't even fight.

i've stopped thrashing - my body's gone limp in the water.