dark circles & pasty skin at 03:00

April 5 2017

He didn't text me today.
Did he forget to write me?
Maybe he didn't see the notification.
I can't be clingy or desperate.
Then he definitely wouldn't talk to me.

Why not?
He's the only one I have left.
My family doesn't seem to care about what I think.
I told him everything.
And yet, I still have more to talk about.
Come on, why aren't you answering?
It shows he read it.
He must not want to respond.
Am I really that annoying?

Gosh, what if he thinks I'm annoying!
That's it, he thinks I'm annoying.
What did I do to annoy him?
I'd do anything for someone to notice.
For someone to care.
For someone to understand.
It really hard.
I'm all alone and yet, I live with a house full of six others who still don't care.
They don't notice how I slowly stopped talking with my usual enthusiasm.

They don't notice my dark circles in which I could do hoola-hoops with.

God, why?
They never saw how I always wanted to wear my black hoodie.
They thought that it was just a phase.

They never noticed how I always had my sleeves down.
They should've seen how I longed for a warm caring embrace.

I really need one of those.
I really need a hug from someone who understands.
But not from them.
They don't understand the pain I put myself through for them to notice.

I admit, I wish for me to fall ill just so they would react.
So they wouldn't tell me I'm fine.
So they would take me seriously.

How come?
How come I have to go through this just for attention?

Would you look at the time... 3:15

Why am I not sleepy?
I am extremely tired yet I can't sleep.

It's been two years now.
Remember?
When I made one friend from the internet.
They found out.
And they hurt me.

I still have the scars.
They said it was for my own good.

So I don't hurt myself.
So I don't get hurt.
So I don't get exposed.

Yet all I ever did was hurt myself.

I tried.
I tried to be a good daughter.
I tried to act like an angel.
But I couldn't.

That's too bad