Oblivious to Oblivion

Four : Well... No

Ash's P.O.V

Dammit.

I.

Fucked.

Up.

Kill.

My.

Self.

I'm so damn stupid I swear.

Why would you kiss her?

Why would she like you after 4 years of you ignoring her?

You think that when you finally start to talk to her she'll just magically come into your arms?

I put my head in my hands.

Door Matt, where are you when I need you?

Last summer Matt moved away to California. Of course, I was devastated, he was one of my best friends. But, he had the biggest crush on Lexi, and I totally understood why. Her smile, her contagious laugh, her big beautiful hazel eyes, the way her cheeks get twice as big when she's laughing or smiling. Even her personality was to die for. She is the definition of perfect. Even if she always claims that her perfectly shaped body is 'fat'. Which is in no way true. But Matt would bend over backward to impress Lexi, and for some reason, Lexi never connected the dots. Lexi never found out that Matt had the biggest crush on her. Matt moved away and never confessed his feelings. In fear of, who knows what. I feel for Matt, but at the same time, with him gone, my feelings for Lexi can finally come out. I've kept them inside since I found out I had them.

I remember that day precisely. Or rather, that week. Two years ago on a sunny Monday afternoon, Matt confessed to me that he liked Lexi. I was taken aback, but at the same time, I wasn't surprised at all. Then, for the rest of the week, I paid very close attention to Matt. It was completely obvious that he liked her. He would hold the door open for her and do anything nice for her any chance that he got. Anytime I would look at Matt, he would be staring at her. No matter what time of day it was. Basically, he was Lexi's bitch and she didn't even know it. But the same week, I paid even closer attention to Lexi.

That week made me realize that I liked Lexi, a lot more than a little bit. I guess in a way I was just as love struck as Matt. But unfortunately, I couldn't show it. She was Matt's girl even if she didn't know it. And of course, I knew that Lexi liked me. She made it even more obvious than Matt did. Sadly, Matt knew it too. Anytime Matt was staring at Lexi, I would catch her staring at me. Then she would quickly look away or continue doing whatever she was doing as if we didn't just make eye contact. That's another reason why I like her. Does that make me a bad friend? When your best friend's crush has liked you for the past five years? Maybe even longer? Sometimes I wonder if Matt moved away just because of that. But then I realize that they moved away because his dad got a promotion. Man, I miss Door Matt.

The bell rang for fifth period and I acknowledged the fact that I have been sitting here for a good fifteen minutes thinking about how fucked up that kiss was. I have no idea what came over me. It was seriously like the movies when the girl is like helping me when I'm hurt. But then, I just kissed her? Why? There was no sexual tension whatsoever. Have I just ruined our relationship for good? Fuck. And you know what's worse? Lexi is in my fifth block. Writing with good ol' Ms. Glover. That is a class that I would be happy to skip.

I got up and headed towards my car in the school parking lot. I'm too ashamed to see Lexi in fifth hour.

~~~

Lexi's P.O.V

As I walked in late to fifth hour I did not see those deep green eyes that I somehow always get lost in. Ash's regretful face kept flashing through my mind. but that experience was nothing like I imagined it to be. My first kiss with the guy that I've had a crush on since forever. It would be romantic and cliche and magical. Not randomly when I'm off guard and especially not while I'm helping him with his hand! That kiss was disappointing. You know what? I'm not even going to call it a kiss. we'll call it, a smooch. I regret that kiss probably more than he regretted it himself. It felt wrong. In a way, I felt dirty. Like I needed to go home and scrub myself until I bled. I'm kind of just hoping that this can just blow over. I'd say that this is one of the worst days of my life, but then I remember that one time when I completely fell over with my desk during the middle of a very quiet class period and no one would stop laughing at me. Yeah, fun times.