New Man ; KSImon

Simon

It had been two weeks.
Two weeks since the love of my life abandoned me.
Told me I wasn't good enough.
Told me he doesn't want to know about me.

Those past 18 months spent with him had been a dream, obviously all meaningless to him. I thought he was The One, as cliché as that sounds. JJ had been such a modest man, so humble and genuine. He was always determined he would stay true to himself and his own style, never following the latest trends.

And yet.

There he is, posing in his latest Instagram pictures wearing that mainstream 'hipster fuckboy' look. The ripped skinny jeans, oversized (and overpriced) white tee with a checked shirt tied loosely at his hips, paired with some branded trainers I couldn't care less about. I hate to admit it to myself, but he looks so hot.

It feels so odd creeping through his Instagram seeing him in his new life. I dread the moment I accidentally double tap a photo from long ago. I can almost hear the little ping of the notification he will get, letting him know that his lonely ex boyfriend is stalking him. I am already cringing with embarrassment at the thought of it happening. Now I just feel stupid for being so anxious about this whole situation that is entirely hypothetical; first world problems I guess.

Still, I find myself staring at the multiple semi-naked pictures he has posted of himself at the gym, boasting about the weight he can lift or the reps he can do or the protein shakes he makes, I don't give a fuck. I'm annoyed that in the space of two fucking weeks since he dropped me, he had already booked a lads holiday to Spain to go partying and drinking. You want to know why that makes me so pissed? The whole time we were together he refused to go on holiday with me. I was a bit disappointed, but pitied him when he said it was because he was too insecure to show his body. What. Fucking. Bullshit.

Wait.
Calm down Simon.
Breathe.
Take a step back, remember what you had.

All our little inside jokes, our times together, our memories are still worth something to me. I remember our first date; we were in JJ's bed, eating popcorn, cuddling and watching films. The little bitch threw his popcorn at me, so I pounced on him and held him down as I tickled him against his protests. The tickle fight turned into much more and, well, they say you shouldn't fuck on the first date but sometimes that's hard to stick to in the heat of the moment, when you have a pair of deep brown eyes looking into yours and strong arms pinning you down...

..Anyway, moving on.

One of the funniest memories of us I have is when we were going to eat dinner at this fancy restaurant. We didn't realise exactly how posh the restaurant was, so when we turned up in skinny jeans and jumpers we got turned away for 'inappropriate dresswear'. Posh twats. We just got a takeaway Nando's instead and JJ bought us some champagne and cider and we had our own little picnic in the park. He kept apologising for not going on a proper date, but honestly it was the best night of my life. We cuddled under the stars, drinking the champagne out of the cider cans pretending to be the classy bitches we would never be.

Oh JJ, if only I could talk to you one last time. It makes me so sad to see you like this. I hate how you have evolved into everything you once said you hated. I just wish the best for you, for you to be happy. But I don't believe you are. I am the only one who knows the real you and I can tell that you are lonely and insecure inside. I wish you would please just listen to me; you still have a chance to change, to be with me once again.

But you are happy now.
As a New Man.