forever and always//j.j.k

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a poem to go along with it.

"HOW I KNOW I STILL LOVE YOU, EVEN WHEN I TELL MYSELF I DON'T-

1. the password to my email is still your name. i told myself i'd change it about three years ago, but i knew i could rely on it being something i couldn't forget.

2. i don't make plans on your birthday, i tell everyone i'm busy and i don't know why.

3. my girlfriend's grandmother lives down your street, and every time we drive by, my head turns. she doesn't even ask me why and i think it's because she knows.

4. i fall in love with every stranger that has your name.

5. when i have a good day, i fall asleep and you are in my dreams. we don't ever do much, just talk. sometimes it's in a coffee shop, sometimes it's in the back of your car, sometimes it's in an apartment i don't recognize. and when i wake up, i remember.

6. i still know your number by heart.

7. every decision i make after you feels wrong.

8. every person i kissed since i first kissed you felt like the wrong one.

9. every 'i love you' i've said since the last time i said it to you has felt like a lie.

10. i have told myself for years now that i couldn't possibly love you forever. that eventually i would move on. that no one ever stays with their first love. and i promise, i'm trying. i'm just not very good at being convincing."