[breathe] a phanfiction

- one -

{Phil}

'12:00? Already?' I thought looking at the clock on the microwave. I swear I just woke up. Sighing, I decided to start cleaning as today my flatmate, Dan, was out of town and I know when he comes back he's not going to want to clean. I started with the living room, I put things away and picked things up from the floor. soon, I cleaned up the kitchen and fixed up my room. I was feeling lonely without Dan. Cleaning kind of put him out of my mind, until I got to his room.

I was debating weather or not to fix up his room as well when I finally decided maybe I should since he won't want to. I walked in and put some clothes away, fixed up the table by his bed and emptied his trash barrel. That's when I got to his bed, I looked under to see a worn out blue shoebox. I had already seen just about everything Dan owns but I have never seen this box. my eyebrows furrowed as curiosity got the better of me. I reached under the bed and grasped for the box. something rattled inside as I stood up with it in my hand. I looked at it a moment before I opened it. The contents of the box made my breath catch in my throat. They were blades, Blades of all sizes and shapes, some seemed to even be from a razor. In the corner was a little packet of pills. I stared down as my eyes filled with tears. 'What if he was going to overdose?' I thought. With trembling hands I put the top back on the box, it slipped out of my hand though and hit the ground. I sat on his bed, a blank expression on my face as a tear slipped down my cheek and fell on the box, creating a dark blue spot. I quickly put the box back under his bed and walked out of his room and into mine.

I suddenly felt so cold without Dan. I never felt like this before. Except for one time, a while ago I had come home from a funeral, one of my best friends had died of cancer. It really hit me hard and I felt numb for the rest of that week, Dan noticed how limp I was and my tear stained cheeks and he came to the doorway to where I was. He looked me in the eye, I'd never seen him like this. He looked genuinely concerned and hurt. I looked back at him, having to tilt my head up a little since he was a little taller than me. He pulled me into a hug and held me tight, I remember we sat on his bed as I sobbed and he didn't care that his shirt was now soaked from my tears. He rocked me and I never felt more cared for in my life. I miss Dan, he's only been gone for a day but now I miss him as if I haven't seen him in a year.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n: sad enough? 😂 I'm really enjoying writing this.