Nightmares .:. 2jae

5

youngjae's pov:

a part of me is missing.

i don't know how to describe what i'm feeling, but i know it hurts.

i hate you jaebum, but i also miss you.

i can't forgive you, but i will try to forget what happened. 

i will try to move on from you so you can be with your girlfriend. 

after the whole incident that happened a week a go, jinyoung has stayed by my side to make sure i stay safe. it kind of worried me though. everytime i passed jaebum in the halls, him and jinyoung would give each other nasty glares.

did anything else happen in the old dorm besides what i know?

i know for sure that they fought, seeing that both of them had bruises and cuts. why did he do that to me? every little thing started to remind me of what jaebum did to me in the dorm room. 

couples kissing in the halls.

watching people move to different dorms.

loud noises and people yelling at each other.

it would all go back to that day. the day that jaebum stole my first kiss. now i was never going to get to share my first kiss on my own will, because it was forcefully taken away from me. i felt so disgusted looking at myself in the mirror.

my eyes can't help but wonder to my neck. it was covered in dark hickeys that were given by jaebum and they still have not healed. my neck was pale so it was a big contrast from my skin and it stood out. the purple and red colors made my neck look more lively, like i did something lewd. i could still feel his hands ghosting on my body. it sent chills up my spine knowing that jaebum could do something like that.

if i hadn't stopped him when i did, 

what else would he have done?

every night i cry myself to bed, the memories wouldn't go away. at first i would picture all the fun times that jaebum and i had spent together, and then it would all go downhill from there and the recent memory that jaebum gave me would fill my head. i could hear whispers in my head giving me bad thoughts.

"you deserve it....."

"you should've let jaebum enjoy himself you worthless trash........."

  "this is the least you can do for him......"  

"after all you can't even make him happy...."

"no wonder why he left you for some girl...."

"what made you think you ever had a chance with him?"

"no one will ever love you....."

"just wait til' jinyoung leaves your side...."

"you won't have anyone to keep you safe anymore....."

i clutched my head in pain. i hated when this happened and i didn't know what to do. i feel like such a burden making jinyoung worry like this. he told me to never worry and feel like a burden to him. he said that me smiling and being there for him was all i needed to do to keep him happy.

what did i do to deserve such a great friend like him?