Dear me

letter 1

Dear me,

Why I am angry? Did I actually love him?

Of course I did, I don't say I love you to someone when I don't mean it.

He is pushing me away for a reason only he understands.

Is it about getting physical? Does he think I won't get physical with him? I can do that easily. He thinks I won't get physical with him easily I will stop him. But why would he think that way? I allowed him to touch me anywhere he wanted; I rather pushed him to give me more!!

Maybe he thinks I am some slut that's why he doesn't want me anymore, well a decent guy wouldn't want a girl like me, right?

Palak was right. He will leave me.

He is a good guy, an amazing one. He helped me, rather pulled me out of my worst days. Glad, I didn't relied on him much, otherwise I would have hit the rock bottom, again.

Again, he left me early so I can learn to stand myself up when people dear to me leave.

He deserves a good woman, who takes care of him, who adores him for what he is, never change him, and make him happy and the one with whom he wants to stay forever.

He did tell me, he will stay forever not just once, numerous times. I never believed.

Maybe, the reason of him leaving is that I don't believe in him. I was starting to do that but he gave me not much time.

From 19th February 2017 to 8th April 2017, exact 50 days.

He never allowed me to look through him. People who let me do that, it just gets easier for me to trust them. I could blindly trust them because they end up sharing a part of them with me.

So, it had to work both ways.

He just allowed me once to do that, just once.

I could have cried that day because that pain was unbearable for me.

But, I just couldn't......one of my weaknesses, it's hard to cry in front of others. Because then they learn how weak I am from inside and it gets easier for them to break me.

He told me he never lied, but he did.

When he said, "I love you", in reality it was "I love you, a bit I guess"

Words which every heartbroken girl loves to hear. So, she can never love again.

Is it really that easy to fake love?

Why was it never for me?

Should I try?

I am sorry dear me, I am not that shallow. Can never do it and never will.

Thanks,

xoxoxo

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