Marianna's Random Book

Butthurt

My butt hurts
Therefore
I am butthurt.

#poet

NO BUT FOR REAL

I swear that my friend, ES, is pretending to like KPOP because me and my best friend have gotten closer thanks to it.

GAHD BLESS YOU BTS AND BIGBANG AND NCT AND EXO

but it's pissing me off because I'm really insecure about my friendships. Why?

Because from when I was 3 until the beginning of 5th grade, I had a total of 2 or 3 friends in my entire class, none of them being my current best friend, CC. Throughout 5th, 6th and 7th grade, my class went through a lot of student changes, only half of us went to the same school, so some students were added to the class, making it harder for me to find a group of friends. In 6th grade, I got my first best friend, who dumped me for another girl from our class. I became closer to CC then.

In 7th grade, a girl named ES joined our class, I didn't really like her. I still don't. She seemed to try and pry CC away from me at all costs. But she noticed that it was useless, so she seemed to give up. 7th grade also saw the departure of our other friend, BC.

8th grade came by, we had a group, not the group we are now, but a group of 6, me, CC, ES, MA, MS and LC. Throughout that period, we became even closer to my first best friend, TL, and she became the final link in our group. But, it was in 8th grade that ES got to be even closer with CC, I felt neglected, they were constantly talking about a music festival that they were attending, they rarely invited me for anything. And my other friends had nothing in common with me.

I'm in 9th grade now, but I am not exactly used to having friends. Therefore, I usually just stare at my friends when we're in a situation I'm not used to. Per example, when we go to the beach, I just sit there quietly and observe them, because I'm not used to being with them. I also have a very different music taste than most of them, that's why I was so happy to ins out that CC liked KPOP.

WHEN SUDDENLY, ES comes in with this idea to plan a surprise birthday party for CC, seems to continuously rub in my nose that they have a FUCK LOT of HAPPY ASS memories together while I just sit there thinking about how much I wish I had those memories...

It just pains me that I need constant reassurance that CC is my best friend, she hates physical contact but always hugs me when I seem upset.

Alright, goodbye everyone!

Love, Marianna