Can't Afford To Love You

Chapter 1

Author's note:
So this is my first full length fanfic and I'm so excited for you to read and hopefully enjoy it! I would really appreciate feedback, constructive or critical to help me better this book.
I really hope you like it. :)

She clung onto is hand and stared blankly at his empty face as the final shreds of hope were drained from her body. His eyes were nothing more than glassy orbs, glistening with cold constellations of the bitter truth that was flooding Regina with realisation- villains don't get happy endings.

Delicately, her slim fingers brushed over his eyelids, reluctantly closing the door to her home forever. Inside, she felt cold and empty. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. Her body was overwhelmed by shock and disbelief. She couldn't believe he was dead.
__________

"I'm so sorry Regina."

Snow sighed, as Regina quickly walked away from the funeral.

"If there's anything I can do-"

"I'd actually like to be alone."

She snapped bluntly, turning away from the apologetic princess. Snow opened her mouth to speak but she closed it again, knowing that whatever she said wouldn't help. Regina was at her most vulnerable; Snow was worried she might break at any moment.

As she hurried away from the bitter memory of Robin, Regina's mind swirled with a sharp mix of emotions. She hadn't felt like this after Daniel's death. Of course, she had been upset, so upset that she had become evil and spent her life on revenge and darkness. No, it was something else. She was overcome by a feeling of nausea and sickness in the pit of her stomach, and she felt faint and dizzy.

Sure enough, as soon as she got home, she rushed to the bathroom and threw up violently. Inhaling heavily, she furrowed her brows. Had she caught something? Or was the grief getting to her so much it was causing her to be ill? Closing her eyes, she exhaled and unzipped her tight black dress. She would be fine, she just needed rest and something to take her mind off Robin. In fact, she decided to ask Emma if she could have Henry round tomorrow, even though it wasn't her day to have him, she was sure the saviour wouldn't mind.

Regina's eyes snapped open, and she looked at her clock. 5:30am. Henry wouldn't be here for over three hours. She could sleep for a little longer. Except she couldn't. Every time she closed her eyes the sick feeling returned and she had to get out of bed for her stomach to expel it's insides. Her eyes watered as she heaved a sigh, realising it was hopeless to try and rest.
__________

There was a knock on the door.

"Henry."

Regina smiled as she opened the door.

"Mom..."

Henry started, giving her a strange look.

"You look awful."

"Hmm."

Regina replied,

"well I've been feeling a little off lately, but I'm sure it's just tiredness."

Her son nodded, not quite believing her.

"So, what would you like to do today?"

She asked him, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

"You're not getting off the hook that easily Mom."

Henry answered, raising his eyebrows.

"How long have you felt like this for?"

"From around the time just before Robin died."

"Are you sure that you're not-"

"No Henry."

Regina interrupted angrily.

"I... I don't think today is the best of days for me to be here Mom... I'll come back in a week or so. Sorry."

Henry stood up to leave abruptly and kissed her lightly on the cheek, before she could argue. Regina let out a small cry. She was lost. She needed Robin and she didn't know what to do. She couldn't be- could she? When was the last time she had a period? Shit. She couldn't remember. Panic started to rise inside her and her heart began to race.

Suddenly, there was another knocking at the door.

"Swan?"

Regina exclaimed, shocked to see her here.

"What are you doing here?"

Emma raised her eyebrows and held up a small box.

"Henry told me. Now are you going to stay caged in this house in denial or face what might not even be the case anyway?"

"I'm not. It's impossible, I took a potion which made me barren back when I was the evil queen."

"Regina- we don't completely understand magic. You never know what couldn't happened since then that affected what the potion did to you. Maybe true love reversed the effects? Take the test. Please."

"Look, if I am- well you know, it's my mess, therefore it's my job to fix it. It concerns no one else in Storybrooke especially not the likes of you."

A hurt expression came over Emma at the last phrase, but she knew Regina was hurting and terrified so she brushed it off, thinking no more of it.

"Emma, I... I'm scared."

Regina stammered, her tone softening a little as her hands shook. Reluctantly, she took the box from Emma's hands.

"I know- but I'll be with you whether you want it or not... you can get through this."

Regina stared at the small plastic stick in apprehension. She prayed to herself mentally that only one line would appear. Her breathing was hitched and she felt as though she was about to pass out. Then it happened. A second line appeared.

Pregnant.

"Regina? Regina?!"

Emma's voice shouted from outside the bathroom door. Worry was bubbling inside her, and she knew there was no way Regina would listen to reason, as she herself had been in this position before- she had felt helpless and exposed, like there was no reason to go on.

"Look, I'm going to help you Regina. I've been through the same thing. Except you're in a better position than me. You are going to be an amazing, and wonderful mother, and you can raise your child in memory of Robin- he'll never really be gone, he'll live through your baby."

On the other side of the door that Emma was leant against, Regina was knelt on the floor in a puddle of tears and anger. How had she let this happen? How was this even possible? Robin would know what to do, she thought, Robin would be with me through this. Actually, she would've been delighted had she have had Robin with her. This was all she'd ever wanted! A baby with the one person she loved more than anything in this world. But he was dead. And he was never coming back. There was nothing left for her in this world.

"What?"

She demanded, opening the door to see a relieved Emma. Her face was streaked with dark eye makeup and her skin was paler than usual, and looked tired, as though since Robin had been gone she'd aged a decade. Emma opened her mouth to speak but Regina cut in.

"Just go Swan. Now."

Emma was hurt. She thought she had finally got somewhere with Regina but it seemed like all she was doing now was pushing her away at all costs. Still, there was no use pushing this woman, so she reluctantly left, with a nagging concern about what Regina may do while she was alone.

She was right to be concerned.