Can't Afford To Love You

Chapter 5

Author's note: short and possibly quite slow chapter but more will happen next chapter I PROMISE, I hope you enjoy anyway :)

Regina shifted uncomfortably in the hospital bed, wincing slightly in the pain that she could still feel. It had hurt more than she had expected, but she guessed that childbirth was definitely something that was worth it, as you got a baby in the end.

Except she didn't have a baby. She got nothing out of this.

"Hey, erm, how are you feeling?"

Came David's voice from the doorway, as he entered, approaching her bedside. She stared at him for a second, wondering how she should react. Then she laughed. It was a cold, sarcastic laugh which sounded as though it had been formed from the deepest hatred imaginable.

"How am I feeling? How am I feeling? Wow. That's just- wow."

She let out another shrill laugh.

"I- I'm sorry."

David stammered, surprised at her behaviour.

"Regina is there anything I can do?"

The bitter smile was wiped from the woman's face.

"Oh you've don't quite enough. I told you that we couldn't get to the hospital and that it wasn't safe. You didn't listen to me and it cost me my daughter."

"I know, and I'm so sorry about your baby, if there's any way I can make up for it-"

"My baby is dead."

She snapped, rolling her eyes.

"You can't 'make up for it.' There's not bringing my daughter back. You know she was the thing I had left of the man I love. I can't even look at you right now. I didn't even get the chance to name her."

"I- did you have a name in mind?"

"Just go."

As Charming turned to leave, she spoke again, in a softer and more quiet voice.

"Her name is Poppy. Once Robin accidentally set a fire in the forest, and it ruined the ground there, and he was devastated because the woods are a dear place to him. But then- in the summer of that year, at least a hundred poppies grew in that place. It was beautiful, like a secret garden just for the two of us. Poppy, that's her name."
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"She's hurting, she was probably looking for someone to blame,"

Snow sighed, despairing at how upset her husband seemed.

"It's not your fault her baby died. These things just happen."

"Well they always seem to happen to her Snow! Never to us! And it's not fair anymore and I don't want to just sit back and watch her suffer."

The princess looked hurt and a sharp pang of jealousy came over her.

"You were fine with doing that until about a year ago. What changed David? Look at all the things she did to us, to our family! Maybe this is just all the terrible things she did coming back to bite her."

David was astonished at what his wife had just said.

"Wait, David. I just meant that you shouldn't beat yourself up over this."

He sighed and smiled weakly before leaning over to kiss Snow lightly. He loved her really, it was just- there was something about Regina that he couldn't shake from his mind. But now she hated him. And it hurt him like hell.
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For some reason, her home felt much bigger since she had gotten home from the hospital. There had been something comforting about carrying a baby with her, even when she was alone, she hadn't completely been alone. She had been even more excited that someone else would be living in her house when the baby arrived. Even better, that someone would have been her child! Her and Robin's beautiful baby. God, how naive she had been to think that once again her life wouldn't be screwed up. She had pushed Charming away, because she felt angry and scared and confused at what she felt about him, and she didn't trust herself not to ruin someone else's life. So now she had nobody to talk to. She loved Henry but she couldn't talk to him, not about this anyway, as he was too young to understand what she was feeling. It would make sense to talk to Emma, but the saviour was having life handed to her on a silver platter and had no concept of grief on this scale. Yes, Emma had had bad things happen to her. She'd lost Neal, she'd lost Hook- but good things had happened too. She was happy. Regina wasn't. Everything in her life was going wrong. It always had gone wrong. Probably because of all the evil she'd done. But when she thought about it, her life had already been terrible beforehand. The only reason she'd become evil in the first place was because Daniel was murdered! Maybe fate hated her. Maybe there was some crazy out of control force which meant she was always destined to lose everything. And to think she had tried so hard to be good. How was it worth it? Her life wasn't any better than when she was the evil queen. If anything, it was worse. She had pushing back against pain for so long, medicating with friendship, with romantic notions, yet it had returned in her weaker moments, devastating her mind.

"Ahh."

She winced slightly as she watched the deep cut on her arm reopen and crimson blood begin to pour from it. It had caught on a tree when she slipped and she hadn't even realised she had it until now. Why would she? It's hardly like it could hurt her. A mere gash in her flesh couldn't compare to the excruciating pain that was eating at her fragile heart.

And then there was Charming. The one person that a small part of her wanted to open up to, to spill the messy contents of her heart upon. All those feelings she had hidden away in the depths of her mind were coming back in an overwhelming flood of emotion. But he didn't feel the same, and even if he did, nothing could ever happen between them. He was such a good man, and he loved Snow. Not her.

Because who could ever love a villain?