depths | ᴮᵀˢ

ᴶᴶᴷ × ᴷᵀᴴ × ᴾᴶᴹ | slowly

slowly | part 1

eyes closed | part 2

there is no us without you | part 3 (prequel)

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2017 | complete

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au.

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The one question Jungkook asked himself more than just once a day these days was: why am I even here?

Don't get him wrong, he loved being there with his two boyfriends, sharing his life with them, his love and all his worries. They were always there for him, always smiling those soft reassuring smiled at him which he craved to see every single day. If possible he would prefer seeing the both of them happy and smiling all the time, but the world had never been one to play the way he wanted it to. Though, he was happy thanks to both of them, thanks to the love they provided with him and the trust they shared within their relationship. To anyone watching them it was paradise, and Jungkook knew he should be more thankful and less worried about things he wouldn't be able to stop anyways.

However, for a while now he had been feeling like he didn't belong there anymore. He couldn't remember when those feelings had occurred for the first time, however when they did they hit him, hard. All out of a sudden he was hyper aware of the fact that he did nothing but using space which could be filled by something more important, by something more worth it or someone more worth it. Something that was worth their time, worth their trust and worth their love.

He loved Jimin and Taehyung with all his heart, with all he was, but he was afraid of changes and lately he felt like the two older boys were slowly growing sick of him. He hated the subtle change of the tone in which they would speak to him nowadays. He was used to their soft voices, soft words, but during the last few weeks they had grown harsh.

Both of them seemed so distant from him, and it didn't take him long that he was slowly losing his grip on them. He never really found out if he was the one letting go or if they in fact decided to move on. He knew it sounded harsh, even if it were mere thoughts since neither of the older ones had talked about it yet. Though Jungkook started counting the days of which he watched himself drifting away from them. He truly wanted to stay with them, he needed them, but it didn't take him long to come to terms with the possibility that they didn't need him anymore. He decided to just keep quiet and wait. He wasn't strong enough to talk to them, he was simply too afraid of what would come afterwards. He knew it was stupid at some point since he simply kept on hurting himself, and who knew? Maybe the two of them didn't even realize how their attitudes towards him had changed throughout the last few weeks.

Maybe, they had no idea that they had withdrawn their love from him, not showing it to him in any way anymore. Maybe, they had never intended to make him feel unloved and unnecessary. However, Jungkook watched the way they acted around each other and he noticed that the both of them still shared the same amount of love they had felt for each other from the very first day.

Jungkook hadn't been there when the both of them met. He only got to know them after they had been a couple for one year already, but when they met it immediately clicked and neither of them had been able to stay away from the other two for longer than an hour. To Jungkook it had been heaven on earth from the very first second on when Jimin had smiled at him through the big window of the coffee shop he had been sitting in with Taehyung. Jungkook had been awestruck, staring through the window at a smiling Jimin. He hadn't been able to look away, and when Taehyung had turned, following Jimin's gaze Jungkook wished he would have had eyes like a chameleon. He would have been able to look at the both of them at the same time, because within seconds he decided that there wasn't a way he could be only looking at one of them.